u/Apart_Play730

I see a lot of people doing Kegel exercises, and I’ve done them myself. I’ve shared my experience before, and many people agreed with me. In reality, my experience tells me that the effects of Kegel exercises are minimal at best.

The essence of Kegel exercises is physically fighting against the urge to ejaculate. True ejaculation control, however, comes from activating the parasympathetic nervous system when the sympathetic nervous system becomes overly excited, thereby countering that excitement.

By continuously activating the parasympathetic nervous system and training your nerves, you can experience the pleasure that comes from the parasympathetic nerves not being overstimulated. This pleasure can be continuously accumulated and intensified, offering a completely different kind of sensation.

In the end, it’s not about forcing yourself to hold it in, but genuinely enjoying the process. At the same time, you can control the ejaculation threshold by managing the level of sympathetic nervous system excitation

A while back, I was struggling with premature ejaculation and wanted to find a better way to control it. I tried pretty much everything I could find.

At first, I started with Kegel exercises (also known as Helger exercises or pelvic floor training). I practiced consistently for about two months, doing sets every morning and evening. My pelvic floor strength definitely improved, but when it came to real situations, it didn’t help as much as I hoped. I could contract the muscles, but I still couldn’t delay ejaculation effectively once things got intense.

Then I turned to Traditional Chinese Medicine. I visited an experienced TCM doctor and took herbal prescriptions for over a month to tonify the kidneys and balance heart-kidney disharmony. My overall energy and sleep quality got noticeably better, but the control during intimacy was still inconsistent. There were still many moments where I would lose it if I got too excited or the rhythm picked up even slightly.

During this time, I also experimented with all kinds of popular techniques I found online: the stop-start method, deep breathing and breath-holding, rapid PC muscle contractions, and even some “pressure point” tricks. Some methods worked a little in the short term, but most were either hard to apply in the moment or the effect faded quickly. I ended up feeling frustrated after hitting so many dead ends.

The real breakthrough came when I started learning about the autonomic nervous system — specifically, how to train the parasympathetic nervous system to better regulate the sympathetic nervous system.

In simple terms, sexual arousal and ejaculation are largely driven by the sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight”). When it becomes overly dominant, climax arrives quickly. The parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, is responsible for relaxation and recovery — acting like a natural brake.

I began focusing on practices that could strengthen parasympathetic tone, such as:

• Slow, deep diaphragmatic breathing (especially the 4-7-8 breathing technique) right when I felt arousal rising;
• Progressive muscle relaxation from toes to head;
• Daily Heart Rate Variability (HRV) training to improve vagal tone;
• Staying mentally focused on whole-body relaxation and breathing instead of fixating only on the sensation.

The biggest shift in mindset was moving away from “fighting against orgasm” to “allowing the parasympathetic system to engage and flatten the sympathetic arousal curve.” When the parasympathetic system is properly activated, the body can stay in an excited yet relaxed state, which significantly extends duration and makes the experience much more enjoyable.

Of course, I made plenty of mistakes along the way. At the beginning, I relaxed too much and lost arousal completely. Other times, I breathed too forcefully and accidentally stimulated the sympathetic system, making things worse. After some trial and error, I learned the sweet spot: start introducing slow breathing and relaxation when arousal reaches about 60-70%. Too early and there’s no effect; too late and it’s already out of control.

After sticking with this approach for about four to five months, I feel like I finally have much better, more natural control. It no longer feels like a constant struggle or a “technique” I have to force. It’s more like understanding and working with my body’s own nervous system balance.

Pelvic floor strength and TCM support were helpful foundations, but the real key for me was learning to regulate the autonomic nervous system.

Just sharing my personal journey and what worked for me. Everyone’s body is different, so results may vary. Hope it gives some useful ideas to anyone facing similar challenges.