Burning out
This isn't my main profile where I'm active, because I have a feeling I may say some things I'll regret, but I needed to rant for a bit.
A little about me: I've been active in this world for 6 or so years. I'd estimate I've spent about $30k over that time, but I'm afraid it may be more. I do well financially, but I also don't live as large as some dommes have assumes. I give to charity, I support my kids and my ex, and I'm pretty frugal financially. Honestly, that's part of the draw to findom--an escape from my pretty controlled financial life.
I had a bit of a spiral yesterday. I ended up giving about $600 in about five minutes to a domme I've known for a while. I like her, she's interesting, we've had some non-session conversations, and we've been chatting for probably a year. She doesn't come across as greedy (which honestly, is just smart business, in the end--pay heed to that, dommes), and there are definitely times she could have gotten more but didn't. But I'm also not a very needy sub. Our sessions have been short, and non-session conversations aren't time consuming or frequent. It's a pretty good gig for her, even considering non-session time. Later in the day, I was just feeling burned out on all this and I mentioned the possibility of her giving some of that back, which she declined. Yes, lame of me to ask, and she has no obligation, ethical or otherwise, to give it back. But when I imagine us switching places? 100% I would give it back. It's just who I am. I don't want people to regret interactions with me, which has honestly caused problems occasionally when I haven't set boundaries where I should have.
There were a few other new dommes I started conversations with during my little spiral. Nothing extensive, but there was one who talked me through a task and some hot talk surrounding it. This is normally an interaction I would feel completely obligated to send, even if I never planned to talk to them again, just to compensate for their time. And I plan to. But why? I don't really think I'll continue things with her. And when I think back on my six year history, I can't think of a single time when a domme has returned a tribute when it became clear early on that we weren't a good fit. She got hers and left. Every single time, and it's why dommes demanding tributes before any conversation rubs me so wrong. Time wasting? I promise you that there is just as much and probably more tribute wasting, and let's be honest. we all give up idle hours on the computer for free. I'm highly paid professional, billing at 300-400 an hour and I have a really hard time calling time on the computer a true opportunity cost.
I'm just feeling burned out on the whole thing. This domme I have a long relationship with knows what she's doing. She's experienced and isn't one of these new tiktok dommes. I can think of a few other very experienced dommes, some I've had long term relationships with, and one in particular who prides herself on being ethical, who had zero problems leaving as soon as the money slowed up at all (also why I laugh at complaints of "ghosting" from dommes--all of this shit goes both ways, but only one side ends up financially compensated for it). Yes, the best relationships are about kink and mutual sexual satisfaction, in addition to the money, but once the latter dries up, the relationship does too. It's sex work. Don't kid yourself, dommes.
EDIT: This is soooo not the time to send me a hunting DM. This isn't even my normal profile, and if it were, I'm *clearly* not looking right now.