u/Apollothepillow

Okay so I'm 12 years old (just wanted to say that) so like 2 days ago I woke up I don't know when but everything was moving around and I could lift my arms but when I tried to grab my phone I could barely use it because my thumbs kept on dropping, now today it's around 2:30 am and I'm trying to sleep but I keep hearing my family's voices shouting "GET UP SOPHIA" or "YOU NEED TO GET UP" just repeating over and over, I feel their hands on me, it feels like the school mornings when I was way too exhausted to even get up my mum would shout "YOU NEED TO GET UP" And scream in my face, I've been dragged by every adult I know, my mum's friends, the head teachers, my gran, my therapists, just dragged out to school in the car, I would just end up with my head on my school desk not doing anything because of how drained I was. Anyway I just hear them shouting for me to get up and grabbing me, I feel them behind me like giant sbadows, it's terrifying I can't sleep

Okay so as the title says, my grandpa is dying, I'm 12, I don't really care about death for some reason, like if someone dies, they die, I don't know why I don't feel anything about the fact he only has a few days left, my sister, mum, auntie and cousin were in the hallway sobbing and I don't get it, like why cry when you know you can't save them, I guess that's the reason why people cry. Anyway, I have a bunch going on with my mental health right now but that's for another time, it's not like im this rude, selfish person I just cant feel anything about death for some reason, I don't even feel guilty, I don't get it why don't I care