I have been through a lot, due to that i am unconsciously very picky about who i spend my time with. And that means i have one good friend, that i talk to every day. We spend a lot of our free time together just hanging out because we have similar interests. I do have other people i talk to but just not nearly as deep as us two.
I normally enjoy spending time with him but it seems that the longer our friendship goes on the more resentful he becomes towards me. I feel like i am constantly apoligizing for upsetting him in some way, which also seems to upset him. We were playing a game earlier and there was a glitch that wouldnt stop. I just ripped the batteries out of my controller and apologized trying to explain all of this, didnt believe me until he found the problem exactly himself. He bullys the shit out of me and makes me think im crazy for asking him to just be nice to me. When i see him lying about something ive said to make him self seem better he just compltely glosses past it and tries to get me engauged with a nonsense argument to the point that i have to give up and just let him feel that hes in the right because i am too tired to keep on fighting like this. He intentionally confuses me and runs around me in circles to be able to keep treating me like this.
I am physically and mentally disabled. I am tired. I literally just wanted 1 friend. Thats it. But i feel that if i dont have more than one friend i am very prone to manipulation and and just being taken advantage of. In my expirence lately it seems that if i cant give someone the exact relationship that they want im just discarded, and being disabled thats very hard for me to live up to.
I just wanted someone who i could feel happy and comfortable with. I dont want to fucking hurt like this every day, i dont want to be scared every day. I just want to be happy and comfortable for 60 fucking seconds.