7 years friendship/ limerence should I distance Myself or Risk the Conversation AGAIN?
I (26F) have had feelings for my guy best friend for years and I don’t know if I should move on or if there’s actually something here.
We’re very close. We talk daily, spend a lot of time together, and share everything.
We were each other’s biggest supporter and got through medical school together
I confessed to him 5y ago when my feelings for him distracted me so much from studying for my exams and I wanted to get over it..
He then rejected me softly, said he loves me but not that way. I accepted it and never pushed again and did everything I could to not make it affect our friendship and eventually after a couple of months it went back to us being friends again. But my feelings never fully went away, and in the last year our friendship became even deeper.
Lately things feel confusing again. There are moments of strong chemistry. We have deep conversations about relationships, attraction, and emotions. Sometimes I feel the sexual tension, like he’s looking at me differently, but he still talks about and pursues other girls.
What confuses me is that he seems emotionally dependent on me in a way that feels like more than friendship, but he has never chosen me romantically.
Another layer is that he himself has been in limerence with his male best friend (a mutual friend) for about as long as I’ve had feelings for him. So it feels like we’re both emotionally attached to people we’re not actually with, which makes everything even more complicated.
Although we are both live in a conservative country, have the same religion and mostly have similar values and interests, we come from somewhat different social backgrounds. He’s richer than me and cares a lot about material things in a way I don’t really relate to. He also has a very specific type: skinny, petite, “dark feminine,” confident, a bit arrogant, lowkey “baddie,” and submissive. I don’t fully fit that, which adds to my doubts.
I am pretty but Ik I don’t fit all that; I’m not petite and have curves which he doesn’t like in girls or even in general he also struggles with body dysphoria and doesn’t like his body.
I have back rolls, large arms and a belly, I weigh 70kg while he weighs 64 while being taller than me
Another part that’s really messing with my head is this:
I’ve always identified as a feminist and also bisexual, and I never imagined I’d even consider wanting to be submissive to a man. But at some point he told me he’s into more submissive women..
Ever since then, I can’t get this thought out of my head. I started asking myself if I would actually let him dominate me, and eventually my honest answer became… yes.
And that genuinely scares me.
Because it makes me feel like I’m willing to change something fundamental about myself just for him. Like if I’m even open to that, then my feelings for him are way deeper and more overwhelming than I thought, maybe even more than I can handle to keep trapped in a “friendship”
I don’t know if:
- he has feelings he’s suppressing or confused about,and that he thinks we’re incompatible so he won’t pursue me
- he just enjoys the emotional closeness without romantic interest, and call it friendship
- I’m just projecting because I’ve loved him for so long
I also wonder if things could have been different if I acted differently. I’ve always been safe, understanding, and low pressure. Maybe I became too “comfortable” and got stuck as just a friend.
At the same time, I worry I’m stuck in limerence and blocking myself from moving on.
And if so how can I move on? Is it possible to keep a friendship? Do I need to get rejected again?
I know this is pathetic and way too long so if anybody has read this far I appreciate it.