AITA for being the reason my aunt’s fiancé called my mom a "bad parent"?
This happened several years ago when I was younger and, admittedly, pretty immature. But I still find myself wondering if I was actually the villain in this story.
Context: At the time, I was struggling hard. I had just been discharged from a mental health facility and was dealing with ADHD, OCD, and MDD. I had a really difficult time with impulsive actions, especially when I felt yelled at or put down. It’s a trauma trigger for me because my biological dad was emotionally abusive and a big yeller. So, if someone gets mad at me, I tend to have a full-on panic attack or shut down.
We took a trip to Texas to visit my grandma, who had a bad ankle injury. My grandma also struggles with her mental health and tends to "rot" in bed, so we were there to help out and try to get her moving.
The week was stressful. One day, we were helping my grandpa clean out a warehouse. Because of my history, I was terrified of all the sharp items laying around and was trying to stay safe. Also, I had just gotten new Jordans—my mom didn't want them ruined in the red Texas mud, so she told me to just sit in the trailer while everyone else worked. My aunt’s fiancé kept questioning why I wasn’t helping and was visibly annoyed, calling me lazy. I wanted to help, but between the shoes and the safety triggers, I was stuck.
Later, we brought lunch to my grandma. I hadn't taken my ADHD meds and was super hyper. I couldn't catch the social cues that I was being annoying until my mom finally snapped and yelled at me. I completely shut down for the rest of the day.
The breaking point was the last night at a steakhouse. I was a bit of a "spoiled" kid back then and struggled with impulse control. When the rolls came out, I ate two of them immediately and tried for a third. My mom said no, so I waited for the next basket. When the waiter brought more, I tried to sneak one.
My aunt’s fiancé literally slapped my hand away, grabbed the rolls, and said (loudly enough for the whole restaurant to hear): “You are a spoiled, disrespectful kid, and I’m pissed that you just don't listen.”
The table went dead silent. He then started laying into my mom, telling her she didn't raise me right and that I wouldn't be "like this" if she were a better parent. I was humiliated and spent the rest of the dinner in silence, fighting back tears. When my aunt tried to give me a roll for dessert, he snatched it out of my hand and scoffed, “This is why she’s like this—you guys just allow it.”
I ran to the car and sobbed the whole night. My mom was furious at him, saying it wasn't his place to discipline me or insult her parenting, even if I was being a brat about the rolls. It sent me into a spiral for weeks where I couldn't even get out of bed.
Fast-forward a few months: I overheard a call between my mom and my aunt. It turns out this guy had been emotionally abusive to my aunt for years, and things were getting physical. She’s finally moved out and is away from him now, thank god.
Even though I know he’s a bad guy, I still wonder: was I the asshole for being so "annoying" and "spoiled" that I caused this massive family blow-up? Or was he just looking for an excuse to be a dick?