Children of alcoholic fathers, how did you find closure?
I am the eldest daughter in a dysfunctional family. And I carry a deep resentment to my partially functioning alcoholic father. It only got worse over the years. I could turn a blind eye to the drinking and the mess for long, but I guess in this area, as you age, you only become less tolerant to this bs. I just can't even share any common space with him. I don't feel like going back home anymore. It's funny, because I might have cancer(could know in a few days) and I might have to undergo a surgery even if it's not cancer. But more than the thought of me having cancer or the possible surgery awaiting me, it's the thought of me going back to that house for rest and recovery that is gut wrenching.
And all of this hate and resentment inside is making me miserable. I just don't think I'll be able to forgive him or forget the things he's done to me and those around him. I just don't know how this person fits in my life anymore. He's occassionaly somewhat decent if he doesn't drink for a long time. But, I have really forgotten what that was like.