I’m not sure how to process/cope with my moms cancer
My mom (58F) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung, colon and bone cancer a year and a half ago, she has put up such a strong fight but she is now on hospice and needs to be on oxygen because the treatment is no longer working. The past two weeks have been the worse, in and out of the hospital, some days she’s great others she’s acting childlike and completely out of it.
I’m (24M) struggling heavily with it and feel there is no one in my life I can go to fully support me. I feel as though I need to be an anchor for my mom, little brother, and dad as well as am working 3 jobs to keep myself afloat in this economy. The moments I do get to myself are usually filled in with friends or family/mom hang outs so I never really have time to myself. Luckily I moved in the beginning of this month with them so I can save some money and spend time with my mom. But since I’ve been home she’s gotten so bad and there is an overwhelming sense of impending doom around it all. Like there is a bomb set to go off at any moment and I am stuck in a sealed room with it.
Me and my mom have always had a rocky relationship, there’s been many great moments but there has been many bad and frustrating moments. I try not to think about that bad during this time but I feel suppressing them makes the emotions harder to understand and process especially with my mom being with the state she is in. Even though we have had bad moments, she has always been my number supporter and biggest fighter for me. She was always so gift giving and loving when I needed her and when I didn’t. I am not sure what I am going to do without her and I majorly worry for my father who I believe cannot survive without her. I’m scared for my little brother who I feel my mom burdened with being the sole person to take care of my father after she passes. I fear for my mental health and past history of addiction creeping back up on me when something happens to my beautiful mother. I am so scared guys and I truly am not sure what to do.
If anyone has some advice or even resources I can use to help me and possibly my brother and dad it would be so appreciated. We aren’t well off so I am hoping someone here can help me with finding some type of free/low cost cancer support group in the LA/San Fernando Valley.