u/Apprehensive-Gear894

My fiancée and I are getting married soon. Her immediate family is incredibly homophobic, but she has extended relatives who are “supportive”and have wanted to meet me for the 2 years. Because I used to travel a lot for work, I haven't had the chance until now. Honestly, when I wasn’t traveling, I just wanted to stay home, relax with my fiancée, see my nieces, and hang out with long-time friends where I don't have to "mask" or force small talk. But, since I recently switched to a WFH role to be able to participate with wedding planning and apartment renovations, I decided to make the effort.

The extended family rented an Airbnb for a holiday weekend, so my fiancée and I went so I could meet everyone. For context I spent my late teens and early 20s working in professional kitchens. I loved it so much I eventually got a degree in culinary arts even though at the time I’ve already changed careers, and cooking remains my absolute greatest passion. I love to host, I love taking care of my fiancée, it’s just my personality. Cooking beautiful meals for us is my normal routine. So, during the trip, I did what I always do. I made breakfast for us, and later offered to cook dinner for everyone.

Because of my kitchen background, proper plating and presentation are just pure muscle memory for me, I just can't serve a messy plate, it bothers me.

Well, her AUNT of all people and cousins noticed this and started to talk about what a "great wife" I am. Unfortunately, they took it a step further, lamenting to the rest of the family that "although they are happy for her, is almost a shame and a waste because we are great women and men are getting less appreciated by the minute" or whatever.

As if that wasn't uncomfortable enough, they suddenly felt entitled to ask me about my past history with men. It went downhill so fast!

Wanting to shut the conversation down immediately, I told them the truth: I don't have one. I've never been interested in men.

Because everyone was gathered around the pool, the whole crowd was locked into this conversation. And I’m just not the type to sit there and take it. Since I was a kid, if someone makes me feel awkward, I will hand that embarrassment right back to them, so that’s what I did and it completely ruined the vibe for everybody.

It was just shit for the remaining two days of the trip.

I ended up spending the rest of the weekend glued to my laptop, pretending to be swamped with work just to avoid them.

I don’t know, I think I’m just ok with not being so involved with family like that because wtf? I don’t know why would SHE say that.

I never thought about wedding as something for me. Not in a tragic way, the ideia was just so vague. As a woman who doesn't perform femininity (at least not the stereotype) I thought I'd have to fake something I'm not to fit in a ceremony.

Everything changed when I met my fiancé, I’ve dated other women before and it was good, but she gets me flabbergasted from time to time to this day.

When we started dating, she took me to a beautiful hotel in our city (we live in one the most famous touristic city’s in the world) It was amazing. It took little time for me to asked her to be my girlfriend, she said yes but shocked me when she told me she would propose to me I couldn't steal that from her even if I tried. And she did it 2 years later. Unexpectedly, beautifully.

Now we have a special dinner once a week to plan the wedding, share visual references, check out other weddings the services we want have worked in and etc. All I can think is how easy everything has been with her. She loves so much of what I love. And when she shows me something, I just wish I'd thought of it first.

Because lesbians can’t go without some tears we went through hell with our families when we started dating (we're distant from them now). It wasn't easy, but with her, it always felt possible.

So possible, that the only thing I have to figure out is what to wear. She wants me to be myself, so she won't recommend anything. It feels so good to have this "problem." I just had dinner with a friend to talk about it, we laughed and cried a little.

I'm getting married. And I finally get to be just a girl in the world✨

Every wlw couple is "Sapphic” now, no more lesbian couples. I understand some people don’t feel seen inside of a relationship labeled as “lesbian”, because I feel the same with sapphic. This isn't just a language shift, it feels like erasure. It’s as if people are finally finding a "socially acceptable" way to phase out the specific reality of being a lesbian.

And it would never happen with the word gay, let’s be honest.

The most frustrating part is the blatant phallocentrism taking over our spaces. If you look at fandoms or social media "ships," every interaction is filtered through a heteronormative lens. People obsess over "top/bottom" dynamics and describe sexual tension in ways that literally invent a phallus where there isn't one, talking about "centimeters" or "erections" between cis women.

This isn't about shaming anyone, but about the inability of the general public to see cis female intimacy as "real" or "complete" without a male-centric model. Hetero people and even many in the LGBTQ community seem to think lesbian sex is "less than" because it doesn't center a phallus.

We don't need to mimic heteronormativity to have meaningful attraction. By erasing the word "Lesbian" we lose the focus on our unique, non-phallocentric lives. It’s not progress, it’s just making us invisible again.