About to get assessed and am having doubts
Busting out an old alt account because I am nothing if not self-conscious and nervous.
I'm not going to list the reasons I've been suspecting I'm autistic because that's not too relevant (nor allowed), I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice. Basically, I've suspected I may be autistic for a few years now, and I've finally getting to see a psychologist to get assessed.
I know I should be excited, but I'm starting to freak out and doubting myself. I'm worried that I'll go there and it'll be like the "you can't be autistic because you're a girl?? smh tiktok" horror stories I've heard on this subreddit (or similar) or that I'll get assessed and it turns out I'm not autistic and then I'm back at square one with "why am I struggling?" Its not that I want to be autistic, its that I want an answer for why I am the way I am and why I've struggled. Autism seems, at least from my layperson's perspective, to match up neatly. If I do turn out to be autistic that'd explain a lot, give me a lot of closure(? not the right word but you get what I mean), and etc. If I'm not? I'm just lost and confused again.
I've heard that people can like, reaffirm their suspicions subconsciously. Like you'll hear "autistic people do X" and start doing X without really thinking about it, then go "wait! I do X!" I'm worried that that's what I've been doing and I'll go into the psychologist's office and they'll be mad at me for faking, or something, and berate me, think poorly of me, and blow me off.
I'm just scared, I guess. Any advice or help welcome :)