u/Apprehensive-Wish330

STBXW had to go into the office today. She’s been in meetings and whatnot all day so she wasn’t looking at her phone.

Apparently her mom couldn’t reach her so instead of being a rational fucking person and asking me if I had heard from her daughter, she sent the cops to our house.

Now why am I annoyed by this in particular? I have never once done anything to my wife or anyone that would warrant getting the cops called on me. So what on earth is she telling her mom? YOUR daughter cheated on me. I have not wronged her in anyway.

This also really upsets me because I am a large black male. Cops aren’t always so patient with people that look like me. Her mom is also black and aware of this dynamic. Why would you put my life at risk potentially? Fucking ridiculous man. I’m fuming.

STBXW called and asked if anyone had knocked on the door. I said no, she said her mom sent the police and they just so happened to show up right after that. I called her back and told her this is absolutely ridiculous. Her response was “I’m sorry, but I can’t control her.” Clearly you can because whatever the fuck you’ve been telling her made her think your life is in danger. I CANNOT wait to sell this fucking house and be free from this family.

My post is one of the pinned posts if you need the cheating (on her part) backstory.

Today she asks me if we should sit down and have a conversation about what we’re doing with the house. One of my groomsmen does real estate on the side. I talked to him about a short sale, a traditional sale, and what they looked like. He said if he wanted us to, he could handle things for us on 0% commission and he knows people that could help as well. I noted that in my head and didn’t make any concrete plans.

I told STBXW that I was also going to call our realtor that helped us buy the home to discuss options. She went on a tirade about how I’m not including her, I’m sneaking behind her back, and that I shouldn’t be telling anyone anything. She also said I was going to tell our realtor that she cheated. Was not my intention at all. It’s irrelevant to him helping us sell.

I go for a walk, come back, and she goes on another tirade. She said I’ve been disrespecting her this entire time (again, SHE cheated when I was battling major depression), I’m always trying to take the easy way out (because I take GLP1s, I’m lazy and a piece of shit in her eyes), and that I committed a federal crime by checking her text messages on her laptop (I know the password because I’ve worked on her laptop in the past to fix issues). She also just started digging unnecessarily deep by saying I come from a family of criminals (some of my cousins have drugs or gun charges) and that she thought I was different, but apparently am not.

Despite all of that, I still tried to calmly tell her that I’m not doing anything without talking to her first. The mortgage is in my name, but she’s on the deed. I cannot do anything without her. She then drops a bomb that she’s leaving and I asked if she was still going to pay her half of the mortgage. She said no and that I should get a roommate. I told her that’s not an option for me. I want to sell the house and just move on with my life. You should want to move on too since you have this new guy that barely even responds to your texts.

My plan was to discuss with my friend as I did, discuss with our realtor (either with or without her as she’s rarely home these days), and then present the options to her. I’m not trying to screw her out of anything. I just want to be done. I was going to process our divorce via The Divorce Center this week, but they only handle uncontested divorce. At this point I need to lawyer up, but I can’t afford a lawyer and a $7000+ mortgage on my own. If she tells me she’s leaving definitively (she’s on the fence right now), I’m calling the mortgage company to get things put into forbearance and then lawyering up ASAP.

As the title says, we’re on the way. Today she said she was moving out and when I asked if she’s still going to pay her half of the mortgage until we sell, she said no. She suggested I get a roommate to cover the other half of the mortgage, but I just want to be out of the house and done with the marriage.

She’s on the deed, but not the mortgage. I had previously presented the option of a short sale to her, but she wasn’t very receptive. I cannot sell the house without her consent since she’s on the title. I also do not have the funds for a divorce attorney unless I can get into some type of forbearance with my loan company. I was planning on using The Divorce Center, but they only handle uncontested divorces.

What are my options here? I don’t qualify for any free legal services that are income restricted as I’m a high earner. With that being said, I have a lot of credit card debt and am essentially check to check. In my mind getting the loan company to agree to forbearance so I can afford a proper attorney to force the sale of the house makes the most sense.

Realistically I only see her affording a divorce attorney if she stops paying her half of the mortgage. I don’t want to be blindsided by that. For reference we’ve been married since Jan 2025 and closed on the house in May 2025.

To be quite honest I don’t really want much of anything from the home that isn’t my work setup, clothes, and shoes. I also want our OLED TV, but I can just get one myself.

With that being said, what did you do with the stuff neither of you wanted? I really don’t feel like going through the hassle of listing stuff on OfferUp or FB Marketplace unless it’s something that’s valuable such as a dining room table. Do I just get a dumpster and start throwing away what nobody wants?

This is still so fresh. Found out wife has been having an emotional affair a few weeks ago, told her she needs to drop AP completely if she really wants to “work on us” as she says. She refused until we’re “back in a good space” which is bullshit.

I’m going to start the divorce paperwork this weekend, but I cannot stop crying. Every fucking day I cry. I’ve cried more in the last few weeks than I have in my entire adult life. The sad part is that it hits me out of nowhere. I get on Instagram and see friends celebrating milestones, tears. I get on TikTok and see couples that I don’t know having fun together, tears. Wife knocks on the spare bedroom door to ask if I want to walk the dogs together, tears. Not in a place financially to move out and neither is she until we sell our house. This all just sucks man. I know we had issues, but nobody deserves this.

Edit: fixing typos through the tears

Title. Some of my favorites are JJK, MHA, Death Note, AoT, Solo Leveling. I need something that’s going to resonate with me and give me hope/the strength to get through this divorce.

If so, how was it? Are they just mediators? Only asset in the divorce is our house which was purchased last year. As far as marital debt, we have a loan from the wedding which was also last year. Just for reference.

Something has been super off to me. She gets her hair done a few hours away, but today when I checked her cars location after her appointment to see if she was on the way home, it had been stopped somewhere for over an hour. None of her friends live in the area where the car was and something wasn’t sitting right with me.

I decided to logon to her Mac and check her text messages. Full blown fucking affair man. Back in February we were talking about getting pregnant and all of a sudden she stopped bringing it up. In the texts she told him she was going to try soon and asked if he had feelings for her as she would wait if he said yes. Fast forward a little bit and she’s telling him that he’s her person, they’re talking about taking baths together, etc. I feel fucking gutted man.

Part of me wants to bring it up, but I don’t know if that’s the right approach. Should I just start contacting lawyers and put it in the papers?

Tuesday at therapy it’s “I don’t even want to discuss anything. I’m over it.”
Wednesday it’s not talking to me even though I tried to break the ice in the morning with a simple hey. Got a stare back.
Thursday is chatty patty all day as if nothing happened.
Today it’s “I’m going to be gone for most of the day?” “Oh ok, where are you going?” “Just out.”

And please spare me from the “she’s seeing the other guy” comments. Not everyone’s wife is cheating on them. I can see her location and I’m pretty sure she’s going to the spa, but why not just say that????

Yikes! Our therapist started off by saying she could sense tension (it was palpable). She opened up the floor and of course my wife said she didn’t want to discuss anything. Completely defeating the purpose of being at the session.

Now I can admit, I was the source of the tension. Over the week I isolated myself in the guest room (which she banished me to 3 weeks ago). I barely came out, didn’t eat for ~40 hours. I was mad at a few things, those being:

1: I had an interview Thursday and didn’t get a good luck, hope it goes well, nothing. Just a see ya/bye.

2: after said interview, I went out to lunch with a friend. He asked if I was going to his place (out of state) when my wife comes in a few months to go to a concert with his wife. Completely blindsided me. Didn’t know it was a thing.

Now I had previously expressed to my wife that I was struggling mentally, badly. Nothing felt fun anymore. Being a homeowner absolutely sucks and is a money drain. We don’t do anything fun at all. One would think this trip would be a fun weekend. Don’t care about the concert, but we could’ve gone together, seen the city, etc. Nope. Gave her all Friday to bring it up, nada. Just bullshit conversation because she wants to keep things “normal.”

What is normal about kicking me out of the bedroom and then asking me why I didn’t know on a door in my own house? What is normal about saying “oh you’re still showering in here?” when you see coming out of the bathroom. What is normal about not wishing someone good luck on an interview?

All of these things caused me to spiral and I reverted to some defense mechanisms I developed as a child which is isolation/silence. I did apologize Monday morning stating I know how I reacted was wrong and that I’m trying to stop doing that, but it’s hard sometimes. I’m on antidepressants just so I can get out of this space. It’s not somewhere I want to be.

Fast forward to the session, she drops a bomb that she can’t say anything to me because I “make it about my mental health.” Again, super invalidating after I told her I was struggling mentally. She said as soon as things got tough, I retreated and how she would never because she’s faced adversity in her life. That really set me off because I’ve also faced adversity. Between her nagging, this house, issues with family, it became too much to bear and I broke a bit.

I regret telling her so much. I regret a lot of things actually. I wish we had called off the wedding (2025) when she had hinted at it.

I won’t say I feel stuck because I know what my options are. At this point I just want to contact our realtor and tell him to list it, but we’ve been in it less than a year unfortunately. I’ve also scoped out where I would live. A place with a gorgeous view of the city to feel ALIVE again.