<3
To technoblade/technodad/technobladeteam or community.
4 years ago today mark the day my world stopped spinning. sure, time kept going, but my world didn't. Alex meant so much to me, to the point where my life depended on him. when he said goodbye, I fell into a deep depression. I could not get out of bed, I lost so much weight, and all I would ever watch or think about was him. a couple days after my birthday september 5th, I got a letter. It was a letter from him, the one and the only, technoblade. that day was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. it was a letter explaining hospital visits, happy birthday, telling me to keep going. I cannot express how amazing that day was. months later, I was going bowling. i was in the backseat, and i saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. it was pink, the most beautiful, perfect pink. the only thing i can think of was "huh, that looks like technoblade pink". little did i know, it was. I got home, and i saw a video notification from technoblade saying "so long nerds" i laughed, thinking he was saying its been so long since he posted. I was wrong. I clicked on the video, and all I heard was 3 words. "I am dead". my world stopped. my heart skipped. my eyes bursted, literally, into tears. that day i had over 14 panic attacks, and my eyes were beet red. I did not sleep for 3 days. i started hallucinating, i didn't eat. i was stuck in my grief. when I say my world stopped, I meant it. I didn't know who i was, where i was, all i knew was depression. to the point where i couldn't even cry. it took me over 2 years to finally accept that he was gone. I still dont really, but my world kept spinning. skip to 4 years later, I'm almost 16. I have pets, i have a dog with a middle name, named after technos dog in minecraft. every animal I name, i name something to do with greek gods. because it reminds me of him. my bearded dragon is named ares, my dogs middle name is apollo. my password for my phone, and every four digit code has 0630 in it. because he was my life. and he still is, just a little more me. I have a job, I do karate, im on antidepressants. life is rocky, but it is better. this single man changed my life so much, and I can never thank him enough for all he did. I miss technoblade. fly high, and see you later. kady, out.