Am I in the wrong for not wanting my creepy uncle in my house?
I (20F) and my dad (49M) got into a pretty bad argument last night because he tried to bring his friend into my house after that friend had previously made me uncomfortable.
For context, I moved in with my grandparents straight out of high school to care for them as their health declined. My grandfather passed away last February, and I now care for my grandmother, who has spinal and cervical stenosis and uses a power chair.
A couple of months ago, my dad brought his childhood friend, J (46M), over for dinner. I’ve known J my entire life. He took me camping, taught me archery, and was part of many childhood memories. My dad always had me call him “Uncle.”
After dinner, I went downstairs to fold laundry. J followed me into my bedroom and started making inappropriate comments. I had recently started dating my now-boyfriend of two years. J offered me drugs, told me I looked more mature and had grown up, and said that if things didn’t work out with my boyfriend, he’d always be there for me and could take me on a nice date.
I nodded until he left, then broke down crying. I told my dad what happened, and he was furious. He promised J would never be welcome around us again.
Fast-forward to last night. I asked my dad to bring his trailer over to remove old furniture from our porch. He told me he would do it tomorrow or the next day so my boyfriend could help because my boyfriend was at his second job, About an hour later, he called me outside to move my car, and I was shocked to see J walking through my yard. My dad explained that J was there to help move the furniture because he couldn’t do it alone.
I was upset and went downstairs to collect myself. After about ten minutes, I went to my grandmother’s room and explained how uncomfortable I was with J being in my home. She agreed with me.
My dad came inside and asked how I was doing. When my grandmother told him I was upset, he got loud and insisted J was the only person available to help. I asked how he could stand being around someone who had made inappropriate advances toward his daughter. He said I was a grown woman and should expect men to hit on me because I’m attractive.
I reminded him that J had been like an uncle to me my entire life. My dad then said I’d rather watch him die than let J help him because he has a hernia. I asked why I couldn’t help, but he called me too weak, even though I go to the gym five times a week.
He claimed he’d already choked J out, J had apologized, and I needed to get over it instead of repeatedly crying to him about the same thing. I got angry and said I couldn’t wait until I turned 21 so I could finish the job. I eventually backed down and went downstairs.
My dad then refused to help at all, telling my grandmother, “Sorry, Mom, I’m not doing it,” before leaving.
Later, my grandmother said J was the only person available to help and that I should understand my dad’s situation. My boyfriend, who lives with me and helps care for my grandmother, was furious and said he’d never let J touch me.
I’m at a loss. I understand my dad needs help, but I feel betrayed that he brought someone who made me feel unsafe into my home after promising he wouldn’t.
Am I overreacting, or am I the asshole for not understanding that my dad needs help