u/AppropriateTrash6257

I 25F have been dating my 27F gf for over an year. she lives 1 hour away and drives to me most weekends. she is my first proper everything in a relationship but she has had a 3 yr relationship before me. we make dinners and we bake a lot together. we love playing fortnite together, making things out of clay together. we used to speak all the time, we would be on the phone all the time and it felt very normal for me. we had sex all the time. i know all relationships have a honeymoon stage but again it also just felt natural for me. one day everything changed, she started crashing out that she dreads the end of the week because of the drive down to me and she can't cope with being on the phone all the time.
so i begged and pleaded for her back whilst i had to stay with family as i couldn't be alone whilst we went though this patch, i suff it badly with anxiety and depression and the thought of losing makes it hard to breath and my whole body goes numb, i could just cry for hours.
somehow we made it though, i said id start getting the train as i never realised how much she dreaded the drive as she's never mentioned it before and when we're on the phone and she's getting ready and literally driving here, she never seems upset about it but anyway since then things keep happening where she crashes out at me for a mistake and i cry and beg for her back. iv started to get so scared to bring things up to her. i feel anxious all the time if iv not spoke to her or she's upset with me. it's like i don't know who i am anymore. we've been arguing so much lately, her replies have been awful, somtimes 6 hour no replies on weekends, no more goodnight texts and late morning texts and also she's never like omg sorry about my replies, she's like yeah i was doing something and i just think im not trying to attack you i just want to know what you've been upto, idk why it feels so overwhelming for her to just reply once every few hours since i am her gf. i just don't feel like she doesn't loves me anymore, i feel like she dreads speaking to me but wont admit it. mostly me begging for her let me fix my mistakes. iv genuinely getting to the point where i do think i need to move on because it's taking over my whole life and i want to be with someone who doesn't take me expressing my feelings as an attack and can speak to me and be there for me. i lost my job a few weeks ago and iv never spoken or seen her less, i feel like she can't support me and has left me when i needed her most, she says she sorry she made me feel like that but nothings changed! i feel alone, im alone every evening, no one to text even though im in a relationship, i feel like whats the point being with someone who can leave me for hours and go home and go to bed and still not message me. it was so good in the beginning, now she's just changed and i can't let go because i love her so much but im starting to think ill be fine without her.