Advice on my relationship
‘23M’ dating ‘21/F for over a year and starting to question compatibility
Me ‘23M’ and my girlfriend ‘21F’ have been together a little over a year. We met fast and started dating within about a month. We’re both Christian and have tried to take the relationship seriously.
I know relationships aren’t supposed to stay in the honeymoon phase forever, and I’m not expecting perfection. But lately I’ve been feeling emotionally drained and honestly kinda lonely in the relationship.
One thing that’s really bothered me is affection. Since we don’t have sex, the smaller things matter more to me like hugs, kisses, hearing “I love you,” etc. Recently it feels like I’m the one initiating almost all of it. I say “I love you” first basically every time, and when I brought it up calmly she got defensive and said she already does enough. A lot of the time it just feels forced instead of natural.
I also feel criticized a lot. It can be my clothes not matching, the way I talk, how I smile, or little comments that make me feel like I’m constantly being corrected instead of accepted for who I am. I know advice can come from a good place, but after a while it starts making me feel like I’m never enough naturally.
Another issue is my family. I didn’t grow up with the best parents and I fully understand that, but it hurts when she and sometimes her mom talk negatively about them or look down on them. At the end of the day they’re still my family.
The communication has also gotten exhausting. I try really hard to stay calm and talk things through without yelling, but when I bring up concerns she usually takes it as an attack and shuts down for hours. Even small disagreements can become uncomfortable. Like if we disagree on something simple like supper and I don’t want what she wants, she’ll get upset and sit there giving me dirty looks in front of her mom.
What also wears me down is that old arguments constantly get brought back into new ones. I hear things like “same cycle” or “nothing changes,” even though I genuinely try to work on things and keep peace.
I know I’m not perfect either and I definitely have my own flaws. I’m not trying to act innocent. I just feel like I’m trying to communicate and move forward while constantly feeling emotionally shut out or criticized.
At what point do you know if it’s normal relationship struggles or genuine incompatibility?