I’m not the same since my MA
I had an abortion in March 2026, I was due the day after my birthday this month of October . The grief I’ve experienced has been pure torture from depression , to suicidal thoughts , to crying and sobbing . i fake like I’m getting better but I’m not . I've been trying to mask my feelings and put on a strong face but deep down inside I’m dying with extreme heartache and pain. so ashamed and embarrassed. I don’t even know why I’m writing this , maybe just to vent because it’s so much pent up anger, sadness and feeling worthless . I don’t know how to forgive myself I don’t know how to keep going anymore. some days I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up . I ruined my life, my mental stability. even seeing pregnant or babies breaks my heart . Because it should be me and it’s not . I use to pray for forgiveness now I don’t because I cant even forgive myself . I tried taking to a therapist but stopped didnt feel helpful . everyday I struggle to move forward . I honestly don’t know what more to do. this must be the punishment for making the wrong choice. my birthdays will never be the same . I don’t know how I’ll ever celebrate another birthday knowing I should’ve had a baby . I just wish I could disappear