Where do I go from here?
I’m so tired of being the only parent that parents. My very narcissistic husband is the “giver of all” to our kids and I am the parent. I am the only one who takes care of our kids, our pets, our home. He works. Keeps secrets from me. I am not allowed to spend unless it’s for the kids, the house, or with permission first.
Last night, shit hit the fan. I was getting on our youngest about some shady shit they were doing. I asked for their phone and they fought back. I called my husband upstairs to help with the situation and get them to obey. He took his sweet ass time getting up there and made sure he took care of himself first by grabbing a snack and a water. When he finally showed up, he just stood there. Not helping me with the situation, no discipline, no reinforcement…just stood there. Then my kid started getting physical with me. Kicking me, pushing me, grabbing on me. He just stood there with his glass of water watching. No help.
Our kid left the room and I started screaming at my husband that he isn’t a fucking parent and he protected his fucking water glass instead of his wife. He said that I always start shit, I’m the problem, I’m a worthless piece of shit and then told me to get the fuck out. More than once he told me to leave. So I did.
I’ve been married for 14 years, we have four children together, and I slept in my car in a gas station parking lot last night. No one called. No one messaged.
I don’t have any friends, and I don’t have anywhere to go. So I came back home this afternoon. No one has said a word to me. I feel so alone and unwanted. Fucking worthless just like he says I am. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m so fucking lost. This isn’t the family I dreamed of when I was little.