u/ArachnidAdmirable760

MIL with likely stage 5 vascular dementia. She’s been complaining about a litany of things, like wanting to get her haircut, need new bras, shoes, etc, eyeglasses fixed, eye exam, teeth, whatever.

Husband brings her to said provider/store to address the issue. Everything seems hunky dory (ie. Tries on jeans in store, loves them), goes home, tags are off, hates them. Same goes for eyes, teeth etc.

This gets to be extremely costly if we can’t refund items if she’s taken the tags off after initially loving them, and same goes for going for initial exams with new providers if she doesn’t like someone and their care.

We’ve resorted to shopping for items from places with flexible returns but it’s still beyond aggravating with the care providers. Has anyone experienced this? Is there any way to get around taking to a multitude of new providers knowing she’ll likely end up hating them and it’s nothing to do with the provider?

My MIL has advanced vascular dementia and her husband has Alzheimer’s and prostate cancer. They’re living in assisted living in Ontario, and on the wait list for LTC. My husband is the POA for both of them, though only active for his mom as his stepdad was assessed to still have capacity.

MIL is refusing her dementia meds because she says it gives her headaches, and refuses to take Tylenol.

The biggest issue is that she is very agitated by her husband and says she wants to live apart from him. Problem is, they barely have enough money as it is to afford tiny studio in AL, and they’re not considered crisis to get into LTC. Even in LTC and they were subsidized, I can’t imagine how she could get along with others in a basic room to qualify for subsidy.

Living with us isn’t an option as we don’t have the room with two young kids.

Husband is working on getting more external supports and community visits, but not sure if that’ll be enough.

Has anyone run into this kind of situation? What options do we really have about her meds and living situation?