Fight or leave for F24 M26
I met a mutual friend (m26) at a party in Jan. We had a date, but due to mutual work clashes we didn’t end up seeing each other again. He was texting me daily regardless, and our mutual friend (who is one of his flatmates) came round to mine and made a comment about us being friends. I am VERY fearful avoidant and struggle quite badly with rejection. I then assumed he had told our mutual friend to say this to me to state his intentions so I stopped messaging him.
A few months later we ran into each other at a social event, kissed and said we liked each other and agreed on another date. The date went very well and we planned another date. During this time I changed some health medication I’m on which made me incredibly anxious. Our next date was good but I was very nervous and almost looking for examples of him not liking me.
We then saw each other a week later at a mutual social event and ended up going clubbing afterwards with friends. It was very good and we had been hanging out the whole night, kissing holding hands etc. We left the club and he waited at the train station with me where we planned out next date when he was back from his travelling. He went travelling for three weeks before I saw him again.
In that time he’d left my last message of the conversation on “read” and whilst I followed his dedicated travelling account, which he told me to do, we didn’t message. I had very bad work issues at this time where I had to get the union involved etc so didn’t think much.
I saw him then at another mutual social event when he was back and the conversation of us leaving together came up. H stated he was unsure as to what this was and asked me what we were. I had a panic attack and started dry heaving (side effect of medication I’m on). He then shared that he’s unsure what it is and something intimate wouldn’t be right until he knew. I then said that means it’s a no and told him we should end it. He disagreed and suggested talking again at some other time. I (still having a panic attack0 was very firm, and at this point he became so upset he started welling up and a stranger came to ask him if he was ok. I then got the train home and left.
I saw him a few days later to ask and he stated he didn’t think it was something Long term between us and that we should end it. We then did a quiz for a few hours (?).
After this I left feeling confused. I wasn’t incredibly sad but fine, my friends said I should tell him how I feel and I sent a message essentially saying I like him, I get the decision to leave it but I like him and apologised for mixed messages.
He replied saying he doesn’t want to drag it on if he’s unsure and I said we should just be friends.
I want to speak to him honestly about it and discuss my experience as I havent actually spoke to him properly about it or what I think this is etc.
I felt that conversation was far too early for what we were. I wasn’t going to sleep with him lol only invite him back to stay over, still haven’t explained this tom him.
Prior to the quiz when he said we should leave it I said ok. My anti anxiety medication makes me numb lol. Is there any point in an actual conversion with him? He has never dated someone he has friends in common with before and seemed nervous of it.
Earlier in the night before we left it he said we were going slow but he really liked me and thought I was beautiful to mutual friend.
I will see him again and in the meantime I’m keeping busy with friends etc and trying to date other people just to remind myself I’m young and there are other people, but this felt very real and full of potential. When I see him do we chat (he offered to have another but I denied the suggestion)? I don’t know what to do but I will always feel as though I’ve messed up something here.