Being Gifted Whilst also having Adhd has ruined my life
*Quick note: i am not yet diagnosed with adhd however i have long suspected that i fall into the category of innatentive adhd, thus everything im going to discus is purely my own expeirences and shouldnt be taken as fact. Although im am actively trying to consult proffesionals and get a diagnosis.
I cant remeber much of my childhood thus the expierences ill be sharing are mainly things ive noticed throughout my teens. One of the biggest dilemas ive had with with this combination, is recongising how capable you are yet it seems impossible to act upon it. my whole life ive been decribed as someone with "limitless potential" if only he "tried a little harder" For me this this always felt incredebly harmful, not only can i physically not choose what gets my full attention and when, it has also artificially raised my expectations of myself to the point that ive developed severe perfectionism as a result, and ontop of Adhd this makes Starting tasks significantly harder as i wont even atempt new things unless i know im going to suceed in them. No one really seems to discuss how harmfull this can actualy get, for me, the constant comparison and the feeling of never being enough translated itself in the form of chronic fatigue. For years i was told it was just "hormones and puberty" "depression" or "malnourishment" however hiding under the surface of all of that was the constant mental comparisions and the feeling of not living up to my potential which was draining all my energy. Even as im writing this ive had to span it out over a period of 4 hours because i physically cant stay focused on a task longer than 20 mins.
Another big issue i hold about my self which i think stems from this combination is my ego, generally i try to treat everyone with the same kindness and respect, however there'll be times ill dismiss someone for no other apharent reason other than i asume i already know what they are going to tell me. I think this ties back to my first point of being constantly told that im "better" than everyone else which in turn has inflated my ego beyond reasonable standards. Ego has ruined my social life aswell, before i even properly meet new people i already make a preconcieved mental profile of them and then asume thats all to their character, this can make me seem "uninterested" when meeting new people which in turn drives them away (also the fact i cant make small talk probably has something to do with it) despite this some of my most wanted desires are that of love and genuine friendships.
i could go on an on, but im genuinely curious about getting second opinions on my situation, if you have tips/advice any questions or just anything that sounds relatable and would like to elaborate on your situation please comment