u/Arctic-brambles

First I want to say, I do realise that I might be developing PPD.

I'm 7 weeks PP and LO had trouble latching at birth. It's been ups and downs. Before giving birth, breastfeeding and expressing milk grossed me out a little bit and made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to stimulate the breasts and collect colostrum. When LO was put on my breast for the first time, LO couldn't latch and we tried a nipple shield. My nipples were not used to any stimulation and it hurt like hell. I didn't want to breastfeed at first because of the pain, so I started pumping. I still wanted LO to get my milk.

But turns out that I have low supply. At first I only got 10-15ml per pump from both breasts combined. I've tried to increase it over time and managed to reach 70ml per pump combined. One breast is producing about 3x more than the other. It stayed like this for a while. And then I got my period back at week 5-6. My supply dropped to 30-40ml per pump. One evening I pumped a record 120ml. But after that it's been a steady 30-40ml again.

I had been trying to start breastfeeding on and off until LO finally figured out how to latch properly. And it felt great to finally be able to breastfeed. This was before I got my period back. But then LO could taste the change and refused the breast screaming and crying. I felt heartbroken. My body is betraying me. A little later LO started accepting the breast again and really started to enjoy time on the boob. Often falling asleep while nursing.

I became obsessed with having LO latch as often as possible to help stimulate and increase my milk supply. I'm also pumping to increase supply. Today I pumped another 70ml pump in the morning and felt hopeful. But then it dropped during the day. My breasts are also starting to feel more soft and empty. We supplement with formula, but LO has become constipated from it. I also did a weighted feed yesterday. Turns out, LO could only transfer about 10ml during the feed.

I've been crying all day. I feel betrayed by my body. I can't understand why I suddenly got obsessed with having LO constantly on the boob. I have also started to see formula as a threat.

Please be honest with me! Could I still strive towards breastfeeding or should I just give up?

I have a 5 week old that has drastically changed feeding behaviour during this week. Wondering if this is normal. She didn't latch properly after birth and got jaundice. At the hospital we started giving her donated milk from a bottle. When we came home, I started pumping and supplementing with formula. After a while, she started crying in pain and we thought she was constipated since she didn't poop. So we switched formula and everything got better. She burped nicely when taking breaks and didn't spit up as much.

Since changing to the new formula, I've also tried to introduce more breastfeeding and giving less formula. We use liquid formula, and the containers were too big. We couldn't go through them fast enough and had to throw away the remaining formula. So we switched back to the first formula since their packaging was smaller.

We've been giving her this first formula again for about a week. Now she's not only spitting up more again, but also vomiting. I've also noticed that she's got spots on her face and scalp. I first thought it was infant acne, but now i think it could possibly be a reaction to the formula. She's got really difficult to burp and she's crying in pain every time we take a break when feeding. She's more comfortable when on the breast but she will also sometimes completely refuse it. Most symptoms indicate reflux and I've been more gentle with burning her and keeping her upright.

My question is, has anyone else experienced anything similar? Is this a phase? Is it a coincidence that she's more difficult now, or should I really blame the formula?