How do I cope?
I lost my baby girl on Monday and I'm not doing well. She was more than a dog, she was my everything. She was 19 and old age was getting her, we did at home euthanasia, and she went peacefully while I was holding her. She was my tiny little girl. Never weighed much more than 6 pounds. She came into my life at a time and place where I was not good and just helped heal me. Fourteen years I had the most beautiful bond. She fit perfectly in my arms, nose in neck. And now I will never feel her again. I'll never feel her curl against me in bed. I'll never hear her snores. Or her snorts. She is a shichi mix and when she gets excited she snorts like a little piglet, and I will never hear that sound again. Her being taken from my arms after she died and now, or however long it takes for them to return her to me, this is the longest we've been apart. The house feels empty. So tiny but she took up so much space. I'm sorry. I'm writing this sobbing. I don't know who to talk to. Everyone is sad, but not like this. So please, tell me, how do I cope? I feel like my grief is too much for people. The depth of sadness is overwhelming. All I really want is to scream and rage and throw things. If she had been sick I could have done something. I just couldn't make her young. She's my first everything, first pet on my own, first dog, and first end of life. I knew it would be painful. I've actually lost a lot of people, but this is hurt I never knew. Is it even right to ever get another if it breaks me like this. And being broken like this is what led me to adopt Layla.