Ok. I'm basically confused.
Long read. Also my name is a default name reddit gave me, so it's kinda funny I'm asking this sub for confirmation despite my name suggesting otherwise.
I'm wondering if this story reads as aromantic or avoidance of some kind as I'm struggling with reflecting on my own here. Don't got lots of peeps to ask so I'm here.
HI! Hello. ....bello???
Ok. Anytime I feel attracted to someone I always get excited thinking about them and can easily imagine myself running around with them all happy and fun like. But when the rare chance happens that I do actually get close with them and things are moving forward there's a sudden loss of interest.
If we were going to kiss (never have yet) I would be excited. But when we have to talk I just speak as if the person is a friend. Any romantic gestures I'm supposed to use, I just don't have any interest at all.
I apparently can't catch onto someone having feelings for me and I also can't notice when my Interest in someone is obvious.
One time in my senior year this girl (lets call her Owl) would often have fun conversations with me alongside playful banter between ourselves. I knew her from my junior year and the same dynamic was there upon first meeting. Bantering about which military branch is better or discussing medical stuff, etc.
Later on in the same year she'd offer me a seat with herself and friends during class, call me tommy-boy (tommy is not my same but it sounds similar enough to match what she'd match "boy" with) and walk around with me after school discussing shish before we left.
She then offered me a ride home and I got really excited because I personally consider being offered rides a really personal and vulnerable act. I can't drive and have to walk looooong distances so I get all bubble-y eye'd when offered rides.
I offhandedly told a friend about this and he basically said I'm being crushed on and these were all romantic gestures. I was of the mind these were just ways of being fun and friendly as outside our little dynamics we weren't ...frieeeeends?? Only really two nerdy students having fun seeing each other.
Anytime during Owl offered a ride I then felt the need to act all romantic like telling Owl her eye are pretty while she frickin driving or talk about my personal interests like drawing or whatever else I did to show Owl: IM PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU AND THE SIGNS I THINK YOU'RE GIVING ME!!!
(Oh! And during Christmas break! She gave me her number when she first offered me rides in December and after being told she likes me I then texted her throughout break to I guess keep some kind of momentum?)
During all this I'd get back home exhausted and wanting to either create distance or hope she just started ignoring me. Since the most I felt for her was just wanting to kiss her once with nothing beyond that and the apparent buddy-buddy fun dynamic we had.
Eventually I asked her if she wanted to call what we were doing dating. Owl said she'd prefer, y'know, what we had going over anything romantic and I felt CRAZY RELIEF!
Anytime I learn about any form of romance happening between myself and a guy or girl, I just default back to the friend stage if we were friends or I default back to the acquaintance stage if things started here.
I'd be happy to be platonic with someone but anytime I learn that things are actually romantic I just loss interest and become exhausted suddenly for the dynamic we have as I either feel the need to act romantic myself or I just tell the person it won't work for me and leave because things become awkward.
So I ask: is this aromantic stuff or avoidance of some kind?