u/Aromatic_Device1170

As a first time mom I’ve made so many mistakes but the toughest to handle for me is mistakes I’ve ALMOST made. Like how many times I’ve almost accidentally bumped her head on something, or feeling like I grabbed/picked her up weird or awkwardly and so on. So my question is how do you live with mom guilt constantly? Is this normal or postpartum anxiety? My baby is 9 weeks and I’m just really struggling beating myself over things I have and haven’t done and it’s so tiring. I love her so much and I’m trying my best.

Maybe I’m just looking to vent or to feel less alone but ever since I gave birth I cannot stand my mother in law. I absolutely hate seeing her interact with the baby, it makes me feel so sick. She gave me trouble throughout my pregnancy and have done things since then to just irritate the hell out of me. For starters she tried to come into my hospital room while I was in active labor by telling the hospital staff she was “the mom” - to trick them by not saying the dads mom, so they thought she was my mom (who was allowed in the room). Then she told me that she didn’t know I was in active labor but then also said she wanted to be in there for my husband cutting the umbilical cord? So she lied. Luckily my husband and the nurses kicked her out immediately. Also since having the baby she’s been no help, she just wants to come over and hold the baby. She hasn’t made food, helped clean, went to the store for us, nothing. She’s only been over a handful of times because I literally cannot stand her. She also kissed the baby when we asked her not to and sent me into a full on panic. My husband corrected it and I also said something and she just claimed that’s the way they did it back then and she didn’t mean to upset me or make me uncomfortable. I’m still not over that. My husband went back to work about a week ago and my mom’s been helping me and she texts me everyday and tries to be nice but I feel it is so fake. She is a single mom and my husband is her only child, I feel like she thinks she has a right to my child. She’s also very clearly jealous of my mom because number one she is older than my mom so she thinks she deserves more time and number two my brother has three kids so she’s already a grandmother. Do I just keep shutting her out? Do I keep the peace? Do I draw stricter lines with her and my husband. I literally feel like I hate her (I know a lot of it is hormones) but she truly has made my postpartum journey worse.