I need you to hear me out..
So, yesterday my father lost his temper on me after he told me to fill some refund form of a investment which I tried but it wasn't working. I'm 21 female from a almost-village in India. He said I just collect certificates but can't do anything which is true, but believe me I TRY. I don't know maybe there really is something wrong with me. And yk he was drunk SO SO DRUNK he gulped down a whole bottle of liquor and then he did what he did. I told me he's gonna start looking for someone's son for me to get married. And I'm scared after that. Over my dead body they'd gonna marry me to someone.
The thing is I really wanna do something but can't find anything. I also apply for internships but...whatever. I'm a ba english major and about to graduate but i don't know what am gonna do next. Tbh i wanna do something underrated and professional and well paid job which i have no idea what. I want to continue my study.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I VERY MUCH WANT TO LEAVE THIS HELLHOLE OF A HOUSE and this city. I read someone's reddit that they spent 2 years saving money for her escape and then she did it. I want to do the same.
Leave this house.
Build my own home.
Having my own space unlike this house.
Going home to a peaceful room.
Owning a pet.
Reading and buying real books unlike the kindle app on my phone.
And I don't think i'll ever find love so skip that one.
JAJAJA... what a dream!
I don't know what will happen next tbh. I don't want to hate my parents but I do and I'm guilty. My father is a good father and husband but not GOOD good. He used to beat my mother when he was drunk...before and he still sometimes try to do that and THAT'S MY CHILDHOOD AND ADULTHOOD. I never want to get married. And my mother, she's not too good and not too bad. And I'm stuck here.
I never earned a single penny in my life and that's weighing on me now. I really want to do something. The skills I have is TALLY PRIME, WORD, EXCEL, PP and nothing else. I don't even have a worthy hobby.
I love music. Without music I'd be dead by now. I listen 2500+ minutes a month according to spotify. And I read alot of romance novels mostly dark romance to soothe my brain like I read 100+ in 2024 and this year its 20 now. They're kinda like me....their life so that's my escape.
I cry myself to sleep every night, nobody knows. And those silent panic attacks and when I kneel down in front of god to take me away. And I tried THAT. But I stopped.
What am I going to do after 3 months? I want to leave this house. Maybe pursue a professional course in another city like Bangalore? But I have 600 INR in my bank account.
And pardon me for my poor english and the fact that I wrote a lot of bullshit here. I don't have anyone to share anything so I shared them here. HAHA.