Why have I had no success in getting deliverance? (Rant I guess)
I’ve been to prophetic ministries, deliverance ministries, they are all equally unhelpful but they were very much damaging to my life,
I still struggle with Attacks from the enemy, and I am as broken as ever, I wish I never became a charismatic Christian.
And while it’s been a long walk with the Lord I’ve never really been transformed, I beared more of the fruits of the spirit when i first came to God, But now at all pain of things seemingly never going right, This pain of God never showing up and bringing any meaning to my life, and just letting me be attacked by the enemy constantly even if I was faithful to rebuke the darkness,
It’s been so long ever since I felt at peace with God, I at this point can’t truly believe God cares for me, I don’t feel safe, I see these prophetic Christian’s propose God as if they’re in an abusive relationship, I miss fellowshipping with God, it hurts so much to pray because I feel so disappointed in God, he doesn’t comfort nor does God protect, I can’t see him as trustworthy, He plunged me into the very depths of Satan and my soul refuses to be healed, there is so much pride in me and I want it to go away, I feel so blind and arrogant and I want to die, why cant I live with the joyful companionship with God, why can’t I be transformed right now, why can’t he take away my depression right now, and give me life, why can’t he give me new desires, why do I have to be so fearful and ashamed.