Really torn about attending grandmother’s funeral
For historical context, the person I was originally estranged from is my father. He is narcissistic and emotionally abusive. He’s been this way my whole life and finally at 40 years old I decided I’d had enough when he told me I was “ruining our whole family”. I’ve been NC with him for about a year and a half but my relationships with my mother and sister have also deteriorated since then because they choose to ignore his bad behaviors and expect me to “just let it go”. “He’ll never change” is their argument basically.
Essentially, everyone in my family is messed up in some way or another and it all stems back to generations of people putting up with narcissistic, controlling, abusive people. I refuse to get stuck in that cycle so I removed myself from it. I recently packed up and moved thousands of miles away.
Unfortunately, my grandmother has just passed after a steady decline into Alzheimer’s. I was very close to her during my childhood & early adulthood, less so after I had children. For the past few years, she had forgotten who I was but I would still visit a few times a year. We had a kinship and I feel like she was one of the only non toxic people in my family.
Now I am struggling with whether or not to fly back for the funeral. It’s very expensive and I’d also need to get a hotel and a rental car because I don’t have anyone to stay with while I’m there. I’ve tried contacting my parents to offer condolences but they are ignoring my calls/texts. My sister recently blew up at me and called me a whole host of terrible things because I didn’t call my mom on Mother’s Day. I have a TON of anxiety about having to see everyone in my family at the same time. And I have no idea how they’ll treat me if they refuse to even text me back. I’ve discussed it with my therapist, my husband, and a friend, all of whom seem to think it would be perfectly fine if I hold my own celebration of life for her on my own here at home. But I guess I’m asking redditors because I want the opinion of an unbiased party? I’d love to know your thoughts.