I just feel lost
I had my NIPT show high risk for Down Syndrome. I had amniocentesis done a little over a week ago and the preliminary results are showing stronger chance of it being Down Syndrome.
I am unbelievably devastated. Unfortunately I am split on what I should do. I have a 4 year old son and he is so in love with his brother already. Last night he asked if I was okay (I had been crying due to the news) and I just told him I got some news about the baby that made me sad. He then tells me “it’s okay mommy. I will still love the baby. I love my baby”.
My husband wants to keep the baby and says we can do it. I’m just so terrified of taking care of the baby alone. I don’t want to have the baby and then end up resenting him. I don’t want him to have more medical problems once he’s born. I just don’t want his life to be any hard than it already will be.
I think my husband won’t fully grasp what exactly taking care of a baby with special needs will entail.
I’m so heartbroken. All I want to do is lay in bed and wallow away. I’m still hoping the final results will tell me just kidding the baby is healthy. I feel like it’s my fault. I wanted my baby so bad but I feel like I won’t be able to give him the life he deserves.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin on trying to tell my son about TFMR if that’s what I end up choosing to do. I’m 19 weeks. I’ve already had my gender reveal. I have my registry planned. I have his ultrasound pictures on the fridge. I’m just grieving for my baby.