Indian parents emotionally cut me off after I brought up my dad’s gambling
I’m looking for outside perspective because I feel very confused and emotionally shaken.
I’m an Indian daughter living in the U.S. I recently brought up my dad’s gambling problem to my mom. After that, things escalated badly. My mom (who is a well respected professional) confronted my dad (a successful businessman), and now both of them are not really talking to me. My mom sent me a series of messages explaining why they are “silent” with me. They have a lot of social capital in india, where they are well respected and looked up to for advice , help etc.. (I also believe they expect the same behavior from their kids)
(Things she doesnt think she did anything wrong, she came to visit me .. sprained her ankle while visiting my cousins place which is 20mins from my house and immediately changed her return ticket to a week advance without telling me, she did not tell me until she 2 days later, i raised my voice about how that is disrespectful and crazy to do, considering she was supposed to baby sit my daughter while i was at work)
Instead of addressing the gambling issue, she listed old incidents where she felt I behaved badly, things from past visits etc. It felt like she was building a case that I am a bad daughter. She also left family chats/video calls. (I have 2 kids, so I used to have a almost daily video call for a few mins with them)
She brought up property/gold for my kids, almost like saying she will still do grandparent/material duties but is emotionally cutting me off as her daughter. That part hurt a lot.
I am not trying to argue with her or “win.” I am genuinely trying to understand what is going on psychologically. Her reaction feels extreme, rejecting, and punishing. It feels like because I named a family problem, I am now the problem.
In my culture, confronting parents or exposing family issues can be seen as disrespectful or shameful. I understand that this may be culturally loaded. But the emotional cutoff, guilt, and refusal to discuss my pain feels very unhealthy.
I’m wondering, Is this emotional manipulation? Is this a shame-based reaction?
Does this sound like narcissistic traits, emotional immaturity, or something else?
How do I protect myself emotionally while still leaving the door open for a relationship?
I’m feeling grief, guilt, anger, and confusion all at once. Any perspective from people with similar parents/family dynamics would help.
Also my brother is most likely the favored sibling, which is the underlying tone. He never confronts them, where as I try to address the problem.