24 first time dad. Fearful
I apologize for venting, but I’m close to the birth of my first child and need some outside perspective.
My girlfriend (26F) and I have been together just under a year. We had strong chemistry, but I was hesitant to move fast. I had just ended a relationship due to cheating, and she was freshly divorced. We were reckless, no doubt, and became pregnant about 4 months in. She admitted to me that she was not planning on staying with me before we got the big news.
I’m excited to be a dad. I've always wanted this, but this is not how I pictured it.
Her pregnancy has been difficult. She quit her front desk coordination job and picked up part-time work in retail, only to spend nearly all her paychecks on DoorDash and clothes. She has gone through her savings while living with me rent-free and me covering expenses. She is very insecure, thinks I’m only taking care of her because she’s pregnant, and shuts down during conflict.
She had a traumatic childhood. Her father is not in the picture, and her mother lives paycheck to paycheck with no financial literacy. She never learned to drive, has no clear career path, and communication has become difficult. We are so happy 90% of the time, joking, totally in love, but I make the wrong joke, say the wrong thing, and im the devil. I promise, im a kind communicator, very patient, and I've never argued like this in any previous relationship.
I’m the sole provider. I have a high-stress job and a chronic autoimmune condition that causes pain at times. I feel like I’m carrying everything at once while preparing for a newborn.
I really do love her. There are many things I'm grateful for.
It feels like I’m trying to help someone grow into adulthood while also starting a family on one income and one car. I feel like my head is going to split in two from the pressure.
Do things actually get easier after the baby is born? Are all of these problems solvable? Am I being unrealistic?
TL;DR: First baby coming. Girlfriend is struggling emotionally and practically. I’m the sole provider. Overwhelmed, unsure if things improve after birth.