r/predaddit

My wife and i have been married around 3.5 years. Both of us are around 31 years. We have been having issues over having a baby wherein she feels that’s all she wants or will want in life whereas presently i don’t feel i have any kind of paternal instinct. We’ve been arguing over it for the past few days wherein it’s all we talk about and now she says either we go ahead and plan and that i trust her or she wants me to let go of her. What do i do?

I honestly have no idea what to do. I’ve never even held a baby or been around a pregnant woman. Please give me advice on things I need to get ready. Also I need help with traditional things. My wife isn’t American but wants to partake in the traditional things for my mom because they have a good relationship. When should I start telling other people?

so we're about five weeks out and i've been trying to get the nursery fully sorted while my partner focuses on other things. one thing i keep putting off is the monitor because every time i start looking into it i end up in a rabbit hole of specs and reviews that all contradict each other.

i'm drawn to the smarter options that do more than just video, things like sleep tracking, breathing movement detection, and an app that gives you actual data overnight. as a first time dad i think having something that tells me what's actually happening rather than just showing a live feed would help me feel a lot less useless in those early weeks.

my partner and i both want to be able to check in from our phones separately without having to share one device at 3am. that seems like a basic requirement but apparently not every monitor handles it well.

not too worried about price if it's genuinely worth it. just want something reliable that we'll actually use and trust. what did other dads here end up going with and did it hold up?

My wife is 4 months pregnant, and lately she cries over a lot of things that don't seem like big issues to me. I'm trying to understand if this is a normal pregnancy phase or if I'm genuinely doing something wrong.

For example, my sister comes home only once a year from Europe and is staying for 3 weeks. We were all sitting in the bedroom, and I told my sister, "Let's get some wine." We walked to the kitchen (literally the next room), and my wife later cried for hours because I didn't invite her too. I didn't knew I have to formally invite her to next room!

Another time, my wife had a TD injection at a clinic right next door that would take a minute, and her mom (our neighbor) could go with her. At the same time, my sister had severe back and neck pain, and I'm the only one who could drive her an hour away to see a doctor. I asked my wife if her mom could take her for the injection while I took my sister, and she got very upset, saying I don't prioritize her, while i was planning for being practical.

There have been quite a few similar situations.

Has anyone else experienced this during pregnancy? Is this fairly common, or is there something I'm not seeing?

In about 5mo, my wife and I will be having our first kid through a surrogate. I know that our kiddo will form their own preferences, but I am struggling with how to ask my in-laws to manage some unfortunate and dirty habits.

Without overly dunking on them, my MIL and FIL are hoarders. Their house is not safe for a child, but the family gathers there often and sees no problem. It's treated like a funny joke. My FIL and BIL are both alcoholics. BIL is a chronic tobacco smoker. BIL tends to be the 'loudest voice in the room'. I have wanted to confront his behavior at times but have been asked by my wife not to, and I want to respect her comfort. He also outweighs me by about 75lbs, making policing behavior difficult. The substances are celebrated at every event hosted by all in-laws on both sides. Inebriation is status quo.

While it's been easy for me to avoid these events in social settings, my wife and I understandably differ where it comes to our kid. We both agree that we prefer having MIL/FIL babysit at our house and will assert that. Where we differ is the substances. My wife is firm that she can't control anyone's behavior, and that she cannot make a case for an issue unless there is a violation.

My approach is to confront it before the kid is born and make it very clear that there are things we can't tolerate. We have adjusted our behavior to make events we host substance-free, but as addicts often do, they BYOB. I am struggling most with the smoking, as I know that first/second/thirdhand smoking are detrimental to a newborn's health. I have heard of people requiring smokers to shower and change outfits before being in close physical proximity to a baby. I am totally on board with that.

The next event is the baby shower. At parties, BIL/his friends will smoke at the end of my driveway. I am thinking of using this event as a chance to set a new precedent that this will be a tobacco-free house moving forward, no exceptions. I have never wanted to accommodate for tobacco (THC is legal here but people have the respect to take edibles). This allows them time to prepare however they need to spend a few hours without tobacco.

My wife is reluctantly aligned although she believes this will cause my in-laws to believe I am excluding them because I'm not broadly permitting their behavior. Their feelings will be hurt, but I'm tired of rolling over for their gross habits. This is the messaging I am considering:
"I wanted to let you know that the baby shower will be tobacco-free. We can't accommodate outdoor smoking at our house anymore. Thanks!"

My wife's family already believes she is spending less time with them just by being married, and that it's my doing.

My biggest fears are twofold. One, I am worried the narrative will continue that I'm isolating or abusing my wife, which is uncomfortable, but perhaps correct, as my wife has other obligations beyond catering to her parents and brother as often as she did before starting a family with me. Two, I am worried that my BIL will either confront me while drunk, and make a scene at the event, or simply ignore me and smoke anyway. Any attempt to kick him out or ask him not to attend will cause my entire in-law faction to see me as the asshole. They are a wildly codependent family who cannot fathom restricting anyone's behavior for any reason, barring something like child assault.

Assuming there's fallout, WWYD? This is not something I've ever had to deal with in my family or circle of friends. Since we've been married (2020), he has only dove further into addiction to an audience of permissible loved ones.

Hey there, i'm 17, partners 18 and theyre 8 weeks! I'm so excited, and we're both reallt happt to be starting a family, a life together and a future. (Weve been living together 2 years already). The main problem is, we lost our jobs probably a week and a half after we found out. Had issues with the bio dad too (i'm trans), but i think that problem has resolved itself. Weve had so much stress so early and my partner has already had miscarriages in the past, so both of us are really cautious and mildly terrified of the worst. Theyve also already started to experience bad nausea, fatigue, mad diet changes. The money situation isn't great, theyve already managed to find a cover job, and i've gotten interested from a place (but i'm a chef and they're unsure on the legality of a 17 yr old in the kitchen). But i'm endlessly scared on whether or not it'll keep, so impatient already i jusy can't wait until baby gets to a point where they can live outside the womb, and so worried ahout out financial crisis. I know there is supportout there, support from the government and council that we can apply for but the overwhelming reality is so scary. We're both excited to be parents, I'm so happy on the outlook it has given me for our future (this was a happt accodent) but terrified of all the things that cojld go wrong. Is this jusy all part of it, is there anything i can do to help out our situation/my mental state/my partners physical and mental well-being?

I get 3 months that can be taken in a max of two blocks. Wife gets 3 months pFMLA.

Due in early December and I can use PTO to take all December off.

Is that first month enough for us to be off together? Thinking I’ll go back to work after the new year and then stay home the full 3 months when my wife goes back to work.

This will have to change if we have issues or my wife has a hard recovery but just trying to assess when we need to start daycare. I could also just plan to do December and January and then take only 2 months when my wife goes back to work.

What have others done?

Today was weird. I have noticed I have been letting things around me affect me more than usual. I felt under appreciated at work even though I worked really hard and helped out a lot of people, so I was kinda in a funk.

My wife likes to watch Criminal Minds while we eat dinner, so after I cooked we sat down to eat and watch an episode. Of course in that show something absolutely horrible happens to a family in literally every episode, so it is not my fav but it makes my wife happy. Any ways, without fail a person was brutally murdered and I couldn't take it. I had to excuse myself and told my wife I was going to take a shower. When I got in the shower, I just cried quietly for a few minutes and calmed down.

Idk if I'm just tired or burned out or what. My job kinda sucks which has been weighing on me, and I do literally everything around the house since my wife is in the trenches. She was super cool about it though. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I'm just becoming more emotional I think. She was supportive and told me we didn't have to watch stuff that might send me over the edge on a tough day.

I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I am usually in total control of my emotions, so losing it like that is kinda weird for me. My wife and I had a sweet moment so I'm not mad it happened but still, just curious if I am the only one.

I keep reading about parents checking on their newborn while they sleep and honestly I can see why. The idea of finally getting the baby down and then lying there wondering if they’re okay sounds very real.

For dads who are already past the newborn stage, what helped you feel confident at night?

Did you do anything to help keep an eye on your baby while sleeping, or did you find that learning their normal patterns was enough?

Trying to hear from people who have real experience.

Hello all, I’m a First-time expectant dad, which is still so fun to type out.

We are both 26. a week after we found out we were having the baby, she had some bleeding that freaked us both out and set a deep pit of fear deep inside me.

All was good with baby, but cut to today, 12 weeks pregnant. Wife had some minor bleeding again and I was right back at that helpless, terrified place again.

12 week scan was totally fine, less than a week ago.

We’re young and healthy and yet there’s always a pit of fear deep down.

So my question is… does it ever get better, or even go away? Thanks for reading.

As stated above - I have just completed a 24-Hour journey that included going through 6 cities in 4 countries to get to my final destination where my wife is about to give birth in the next 48 hours.

So I have a question - what do you wear to the birth of your child? What did you wear to yours?
I am a firm believer in the fact that first impressions matter, and I do not want my child to think of her dad as a hobo in nike shorts and a hoodie.

So hit me when your wisdom!

32 here. End of April found we were pregnant and it was our first. We both were super happy and started planning (maybe a bit too much in excitement). Got an early ultrasound which all looked good. My wife had a really hard time with super bad first trimester symptoms though.

At 8th week ultrasound just an hour before her ultrasound all her symptoms went away and she could tell they are all gone as she was having bad symptoms till that moment. On ultrasound we found the baby did not have a heartbeat and had grown to full 8 weeks that day. They had us undergo a dnc right away.
We both have been devastated ever since. I know miscarriages are common, I am in medicine myself but this has been really hard so far.

I apologize for venting, but I’m close to the birth of my first child and need some outside perspective.

My girlfriend (26F) and I have been together just under a year. We had strong chemistry, but I was hesitant to move fast. I had just ended a relationship due to cheating, and she was freshly divorced. We were reckless, no doubt, and became pregnant about 4 months in. She admitted to me that she was not planning on staying with me before we got the big news.

I’m excited to be a dad. I've always wanted this, but this is not how I pictured it.

Her pregnancy has been difficult. She quit her front desk coordination job and picked up part-time work in retail, only to spend nearly all her paychecks on DoorDash and clothes. She has gone through her savings while living with me rent-free and me covering expenses. She is very insecure, thinks I’m only taking care of her because she’s pregnant, and shuts down during conflict.

She had a traumatic childhood. Her father is not in the picture, and her mother lives paycheck to paycheck with no financial literacy. She never learned to drive, has no clear career path, and communication has become difficult. We are so happy 90% of the time, joking, totally in love, but I make the wrong joke, say the wrong thing, and im the devil. I promise, im a kind communicator, very patient, and I've never argued like this in any previous relationship.

I’m the sole provider. I have a high-stress job and a chronic autoimmune condition that causes pain at times. I feel like I’m carrying everything at once while preparing for a newborn.

I really do love her. There are many things I'm grateful for.

It feels like I’m trying to help someone grow into adulthood while also starting a family on one income and one car. I feel like my head is going to split in two from the pressure.

Do things actually get easier after the baby is born? Are all of these problems solvable? Am I being unrealistic?

TL;DR: First baby coming. Girlfriend is struggling emotionally and practically. I’m the sole provider. Overwhelmed, unsure if things improve after birth.

Gents,

My wife and I recently found out she's pregnant and I'm thrilled to be a dad. Feels like this was my purpose all along and I can't wait to be a father.

I found this sub as I began doing my research on the resources available to new dads, and it seems like an amazing place to be. Looking forward to learning from you all!

With that said, I'm wondering what you all have found to be the most helpful resources in your quest to become a great father and to support your SO's the best you can. I'm imagining you've all come across some great books, youtube channels, instagram pages, etc. If there was anything you found particularly helpful, please feel free to share amongst us here.

Thanks in advance!

Hey soon to be dad's or lurking mom's. I wanted to share some info that I picked up thats saved us. Qualifications - My 5 month son has been sleeping an average of 9hrs each night in his own bed for 3 months. His PR is 12 hrs just the other night.

Morning, Day, and night breastmilks are all different so if you pump, also write the time and try to match the bottle time to the pump times. The sleep hormones from the tired mommy or caffeine from the morning coffee will affect their sleep schedule.

Mine can eat in his sleep but your mileage may vary. If they are down for the night, do not wake them up. Give the bottle or breast as gently as you can in a dark room to keep them asleep. If they wake up, congrats you now have a 2 hour routine until they go down again.

The thinner the diaper, the less you should trust it overnight. Use the nice thick ones for nights and the cheap thin beands during the day when you can change more frequently.

Thats all I've got for now that I recently felt I should share. Good luck our there.

As the title says above, I just want to get insights from those of you who were able to conceive. What were the preparations that you did? Any supplements/vitamins? Maybe tests I need to bring up to our dr? Nutrition we should focus on for hubby? Or just anything else that could help us?

My husband (33) and I (just turned 30) are planning on conceiving within a year or two before it's too late for me. But before that, we really want to get in the best shape we can and get our bases covered before we start trying. Eating healthy and losing weight is part of it: Hubby really gained weight since we moved in together but he's losing some now due to his medication that stops his binge eating. On the other hand, my weight fluctuates due to PMOS. I've been losing some in the past few months but still far from my ideal weight which is 115-125 (currently at 140-ish lbs, 5ft).

Currently, we're looking to get his kidney stones and bladders checked. He passed a stone a year ago. Not on any vitamins or supplements but he recently started Vyvanse for his ADHD. He's also smoking weed/weed vape pen which we're aware that it could influence his sperm. He's a bit of a picky eater too hahaha

So there we go, we could definitely use some advice! Thanking you guys in advance!