r/predaddit

I(19m) got my fiancee(18f) pregnant. It was unplanned and we only found out today. I recently lost my job and I move been on the search for another one but it’s been unfruitful so far as the job industry in my area sucks since I live close to Mexico, however I am still actively trying. Anyway to get on with what I’m saying, as I recently lost my job and we live with her parents, I’m worried that her parents will kick us out because I have no job and we’ll be having a baby in 9 months. I don’t know what I’m doing and I have low self esteem and my dad was absent throughout my childhood so I’m worried that I’ll be a terrible father, since I never had a role model when I was growing up. I love my fiancee dearly and I plan to stick around throughout the pregnancy and not leave her even after the baby, as I intend to marry this girl. But what I’m trying to say is how should I break this to my family, and after I’m working again how do I break it to her father and the rest of her family. Any tips and pointers on fatherhood would also be much appreciated.

My wife and i just went in for a 22 week MFM appointment (we're both in our upper 30s, conceived naturally), they noticed at least one blood vessel crossing the cervix and basically diagnosed us with Vasa Previa , but wasn't clear on whether there was any issue with cord insertion. Was a big shock to us, since everything else seemed to be going fine with the pregnancy all along, and then the ultrasound tech noticed this and confirmed by the doctor. Mentioned that the vessels have to move at least 2cm up to even consider it safer, and totally threw my wife's (and my) potential birth plan out the window. She's stressing about probably having to have a c-section , which was her #1 fear / did not want ever. I'm also trying to not get emotionally overwhelmed with worrying about our baby's health and any potential complications for both my wife and the baby.

Any experiences to share, or advice on preparing for the remainder of the pregnancy? Anything to watch out for? I'm hoping for that (also) rare chance that this resolves over time, but mentally also we are preparing for a hospital stay of some length and a C-section. Also doesn't help that we have planned a baby shower about 4 weeks before the predicted due date, so that may need to move around, but that's not as big of a priority obviously.

We've got another appointment next week at the MFM for a fetal echocardiogram, since the doc was slightly concerned about one of his chambers, but hoping we'll see all normal signs then. We'll likely ask to discuss more about the Vasa Previa and how we manage that through the rest of the pregnancy.

Hey all, expecting our first in October!

Half the info i read says we will use a bassinet constantly, the other half says it’s a waste of money. We plan to have a dedicated crib as well.

What say you Dads that already Dad?

Hey everyone,

I’m a first time father and I’m just wondering what the best kind of bag to take to the hospital for myself is?

I’m open to all recommendations, just want to make sure I have enough room for my things and whatever the wife can’t put in hers.

My (26M) girlfriend (28F) is pregnant. We've been dating for about 5mo which isn't very long but it's been going well and we have been talking seriously about future plans (kids in about 2 years). However, we have been relying on the pull-out method lately and my pre-swimmers have gotten her pregnant. I'm terrified.

We're both pro choice, I'd prefer to abort since I don't feel ready yet but she doesn't want to make that choice which I must accept. She told me I can walk away and she won't ask anything of me but that's not something I'm willing to do. I love her and I refuse to abandon her or my future child.

I'm looking for two kinds of advice I suppose; how to do the best possible job, and how to navigate the complications of this happening unexpectedly and so soon... This is the start of my journey so I will also be searching for these answers independently but any and all help is much appreciated. If it's too broad I can pare it down or refine my questions.

1. Resources: What apps did you use to track the pregnancy? Which sites/books did the best job laying out everything that we need to do? (I.e. nutrition, doctors visits, supplies for post-delivery, etc.) Are there other subs I should look into?

2. Support groups: We live in Toronto, Canada- can you recommend any local support groups for either/both of us? For me, as this was unplanned and not my choice, I'm really hoping to find a group that can help me navigate my feelings around this without encouraging resentment. I'm planning on starting therapy as a proactive measure.

3. Benefits & programs. We make good money but life is expensive, I'll be doing a search but are there any Ontario/Canada benefits and or programs that are essential or hard to find? She's a contractor, I'm full-time with benefits, what are our options for maternity leave?

4. Advice on how to tell our families? It's up to us to figure out the right time since it's so different for everyone, but any lessons learned, regrets, or wish-I-had's are appreciated. Background; She's Indian with family in the area, I'm white and less worried about how my parents will react but it will definitely be a tough conversation.

5. Tips, tricks, hacks, from pregnancy to parenthood- What unexpected products/techniques can you pass on? Any hidden gems of information on YouTube or elsewhere?

Again, thank you so so so much for any help/advice you provide.

Hi, first, I'm living in Japan. First kid, a girl. I've been beyond excited for this. I've had to adapt to a few Japanese customs, though, and this latest thing is a bit too much for me.

It's normal here for pregnant women to return to their hometowns to be near family before birth. I've been alone for the past week as our due date approaches. Okay, not something I really thought about and it's not all that bothersome.

However, yesterday at her appointment, she asked about how I would be staying with her after the delivery. The clinic informed her that I can't, and on top of that, I get 20 minutes a day to visit. Twenty minutes! She's going to be in there post delivery for 5 days.

I got upset. I'm already here alone away from them. I'll have no family here as it's too expensive for them to come. Now you're telling me I get twenty minutes for the first five days to say hi then it's goodbye, good luck? Actually, I don't remember them saying good luck.

I guess I just have to suck it up but I did tell her that if we have a second, we're doing it closer to home so I don't have to rent a hotel if I want to be nearby for my allotted 20 minute prison visitation...

So about a weeks ago my wife went to Labor & Delivery at the request of her OB and her blood pressure was through the roof, she was transferred to another hospital that handles premature births a lot better and we were told that she has pre-eclampsia and will need to stay in the hospital until she is 34 weeks pregnant and then they will deliver our son. It’s been extremely hard and stressful the last week. She is an absolute beast and is handling this way better than I am, I had to go back to work today and I’ve been a mess all day thinking about what could happen while I’m at work but my employer won’t allow me to be off any more until I use my vacation days for my sons birth. He will most likely spend multiple weeks in the NICU and that is absolutely the hardest part of all of this, we planned on so many things we were going to do after his birth and now all of those things are either impossible or extremely difficult to do now that we won’t be able to hold or be alone with our child for a couple of weeks at least. We love our son so much and will do whatever it takes to make sure he’s happy and healthy and I’m so happy to have his mother in my life.

At about 2 this morning we got the call that my mother in law passed away somewhat unexpectedly. My wife is 23 weeks pregnant and is taking it obviously very hard. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar and had some advice(I doubt there is any). I know now it is my time to be strong and support her but HOW. Im already a very present and attentive husband. We have a great relationship and our communication and emotional intelligence is great. I just want to support her through this the best I can. This is my little family now and I need to make sure they’re taken care of on all fronts.
Thanks in advance.

This time it ended pretty quick. But still devastated. We did everything right. So many people in our lives “had good feelings” about this one. But boom - rug ripped out from under us again. The only silver lining I’m seeing, is it was quicker than last time so we didn’t have as much time to get so attached. Doesn’t hurt much less though. Life just sometimes feels quite unfair.

My wife (37yo, 11wks) has been enjoying chocolate snacks frequently to tide her over between larger, heartier meals. We've been told to stick with bland foods when possible. She claims the chocolates are one of the only few foods that dont make her feel nauseous. Am i doing her and baby a disservice by letting her continue eating as she likes? I intended to let her be as she deals with blood sugar issues, but our Doctor recently reprimanded her for eating so many sweets and not sticking to bland or lighter snacks when possible.

Im 26m and my fiance (26f) found out that shes 5 weeks pregnant. I'm currently in the process of transitioning out of the military with a skill set that doesn't really have a civilian equivalent that isn't a contractor. I'm planning to take any full time job that will take me in to start this new journey. My fiance is currently not working but she has worked from home through customer service for a few years before she was let go due to company "budgeting." The pregnancy wasnt planned but we're both dead set on keeping it. Im afraid that I wont be able to provide for my family, I wasnt planning to have a child so soon and I just feel overwhelmed with emotions everytime I think of the future. The planning and all just seems like so much. I know with time everything will be alright, but what can I do to help overcome these feelings?

I graduated this past weekend! While it was the best day of my life I was really upset with part of the day. Prior to there had been conversations about who would be allowed to visit the hospital and the baby. Some of the conversations led me to feel like my family was not welcomed and everything is centered around my wife’s comfortability which is primarily her family. My aunt, who’s raised after my dad died, came to the hospital and left feeling unwelcome. This has been a consistent feeling after joint events. Her family has been whispering and saying things when my family is over and I’m really bothered. I don’t want tension or drama but something needs to change my family wants to come and love on our beautiful baby boy. My wife has issues when it’s not done her way. I could really use some family support right now

Firstly well aware overthinking this, have a nephew conceived on tequila who’s fine and there are thousands of children conceived without any pre-pregnancy supplements who are also totally fine

That said, about to embark on the “no saunas and taking supplements as if we’re already pregnant” phase of family planning however the end of those 3 months also coincides with a close friend’s wedding where as a one off, there’s likely to be heavy drinking (we know binge drinking is worse than a glass of wine once a week, just being realistic about what’ll happen here!)

Just how bad is a couple of nights of heavy drinking for sperm quality? The plan is to cut out/limit to one drink alcohol entirely but are a couple of nights (Saturday before then Saturday of following week) going to entirely erase the previous 3 months of optimal preparation? I know what the GP would say and I know Sod’s Law says that if we do drink, we’ll get pregnant first try but if we don’t, it’ll take a few months beyond that anyway

Looking a bit of realistic advice here as if it really could be an issue for mum/baby obviously won’t but if the swimmers can survive a couple of nights of heavy drinking, would be nice to celebrate

The thought of a little us sounds amazing, but we live in an expensive city, far from our families (mine is in a different part of the US and hers is in Europe).

We’re both confused about whether to keep the pregnancy. I'm worried about changing our life, which is awesome without a child because we both have good jobs, can travel when we want, and don't have to think too hard about spending. I also travel home often because my parents and grandparents are all order and they need help often. But I also take spur of the moment trips with my friends, cousins and my partner.

When it comes to my social life, things have slowed down, but since I'm in a big city, I can change that whenever I feel like it.

With a baby, all that goes out the window. And I in particular am worried about losing my spontaneity and independence. My gf says she is worried about that too (she goes to Europe for 3 weeks every summer) but I can tell Im worried about it more than her.

Any one else here deal with something similar during their pregnancy?

Did you feel like your life was changing too fast? How did you navigate it?

I am 21 and I just found out my girlfriend who is 19 is pregnant. By the time the baby is born we will be 22 and 20. I am currently experiencing a flurry of emotions from fear to excitement and I’m trying to do my best to prepare. I am currently 3 semesters away from finishing my bachelor’s In kinesiology but that may have to be put on hold. That is not something I’m too concerned about because I had no specific plans for my degree, I was mainly in college to play basketball. Regardless, since I’ve been in college my entire adult life, I have no money saved and I don’t have a job right now. I am looking for a job relentlessly especially now that I found out I’ll be having a baby. Luckily my girlfriend has been working full time for a few years now and has a pretty good amount in her savings. Once I find a decent job I think we’ll be in a good spot financially and we both love each other very much and have had a healthy relationship over the last 2.5 years. She is renting her own place which we planned to stay at just for the summer before I went back to school, but obviously that’s gonna need to change now.

I guess I’m making this post to share my situation and ask for advice from others who were young dads and those who weren’t fully prepared for fatherhood?

Hi all,

I am 32 and about to become a father for the first time. Some background for context- this is my second marriage and I have a nine year-old stepson. So this is my wife’s second time being pregnant. My first marriage was very toxic and narcissistically abusive. Some of that trauma still comes up for me. The pregnancy so far has been a lot harder mentally for me than I expected. My wife completely hates the smell of my breath the smell of my cologne, my hand touching her back is too hot. We don’t kiss or hug anymore. It’s been very triggering for me as it feels a lot like the narcissistic abuse I went through, it’s just like how it was when I was being given the cold shoulder.

Some nights I just lay in bed and cry because I feel so lonely. I’ve wanted to be a dad for a long time so it has been a dream come true finding out she was pregnant, but it has been so much harder than I ever anticipated. I feel selfish for expressing my needs. I know I can never understand what she’s experiencing. I am just struggling without the physical touch- this isn’t even about sex. It’s about those small moments like a kiss before bed or a hug before we leave to work. Those are the things that help me feel loved still. She says she loves me every day, but it’s hard for me to feel it.

Any advice? I feel like I am failing at being a supportive partner because I am stuck thinking about how I’m feeling.

Hello everyone. I’m here because I feel like I’m drowning with all that there is to do and I feel like I’m not doing enough. Some context, Me (18m) and my fiance (18f) are expecting. She is 36 weeks and our son is going to be coming soon! I’m so excited but also this pregnancy has taken strain to our relationship. For most of the pregnancy she was working, but as a swim instructor and life guard so not making that much overall, while I work as an emt. I’ve been stepping up my hours to working 60+ hour weeks over the past 2 months pretty consistently. As she gets further along it’s harder for her to do some cleaning at home, and she asks me to do it. I try my best but also I feel like I can’t do enough. I’m always so tired from work, and I need my rest time as it puts multiple peoples lives at risk if I’m not at 100%, but that’s caused me to not work as hard here at home and I can see that I’m hurting her. It’s caused many fights between us because she wants me to get up and clean but also I have 1 day off then start a stretch of working 5-6 12hour shifts in a row so I’m trying to get my rest too be healthy. I know she’s going through a lot and I cant even begin to understand what she’s going through, but also I feel like she minimizes me when I’m at home and doesn’t respect the time I need to sleep, and it takes me getting annoyed/into a fight with her for me to get some decent sleep to be rested. I’m heartbroken that I can’t seem to do more but i genuinely don’t know how to manage all the cleaning and stuff while working so much, and I’m really trying my best. Now it could mess up our future because she sees it as I complain when I have to do cleaning. Cleaning isn’t my favorite thing to do in the world, and sometimes I do complain but that’s because I don’t get enough sleep, which sucks because I don’t know how to say i need this amount of sleep without seeming like I’m getting out of chores. Because of this she has said that she doesn’t want a second kid in the future because anytime I get remotely upset she sees it as more evidence that this is going to happen again on the second pregnancy and that she won’t do it. Unfortunately there have been times I’ve snapped at her but it’s not even anything that she’s doing im more dissapointed in myself.

Most recently, she said that she’s tired of this and that I should be doing better because I have more resources, like a therapist and I talk with my fiancé about my issues a lot, but she also knows she cna talk to me about stuff but she chooses not too, and she’s talked about getting a therapist but never got one, and it feels unfair that she was using that against me when she has the ability to have the same resources I do. I’m just lost and I don’t know how to help her because it feels like I can’t do anything right, and even if she doesn’t say that I just feel that way.

Sorry for the wall of text, I’m just going through a lot and needed to kindve rant and get it off my chest

Soon to be new dad here, I gotta start buying all the baby stuff for a Thanksgiving Baby :)
Do y’all have a recommendations for video baby monitors and other linked cameras around the house?

And how are you structuring that around the due date? Our due date is July 14, so I’m planning on being ready to take time off around the 10th and trying to be off as much as possible all of August.(I’m self employed so can dictate a lot of my schedule, but there are still a lot of commitments I need to work around) Wondering what everyone else is doing.