Struggling after miscarriage
My wife and I are unable to conceive without medical intervention. After thousands of dollars and several attempts she finally became pregnant in January of this year, only for us to discover at ~11 weeks that she had experienced a missed miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormality.
It's been about 5 months since then and I don't feel I have moved on at all. The only bright spot was the idea that we could try again. But due to the nature of the chromosomal abnormality, we had to wait for several months for her own safety. Then we had another failed attempt, and now we have encountered another roadblock that will prevent us from trying again for an unknown period of time. I just feel crushed 24/7. My wife has taken it better than I have honestly, which is deeply shameful to me given that she is the one who has actually had to endure everything. I feel like I have been a sniveling baby that she has had to console rather than being her rock. Like the process actually would have been easier for her to endure alone.
I don't see a future where this works out for us. I feel like a idiot for thinking it was possible, for trying to defy nature when it had already made its plans for us so clear. I don't know how to support my wife in future continued attempts when I am obviously too weak to deal with the inevitable failures. She gets so upset when I express gloom or hesitation because now that we have started fertility treatment she is all in.
I spoke to my father who went through a similar experience with my mother when I was young (minus the infertility), looking for some kind of advice, and he told me that my only job is to support my wife. I completely agree, but I don't feel able to provide that support for her and I am so angry with myself that I am failing at my only job. We had the budget on top of everything we are paying into fertility treatments for one of us to go to therapy for a while, so she did do that for a couple of months, but it's no replacement for having an actually supportive partner.
I honestly don't know what to do. I am so miserable and ashamed all the time. I think constantly about our daughter who was supposed to be born in ~2 months. I know that there are so many worse things that can happen to someone than a miscarriage (and the miscarriage didn't even happen to me, it happened to my wife) but fuck it hurts so badly.