I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. For the most part, we’ve had a peaceful, loving relationship. We’ve never been the type to scream or get physical. But this past weekend everything went wrong.
For the context whenever we drink with other people we face problems. Always argue when both pissed drink.
We were both drinking this weekend. A fight broke out, I’m still not entirely sure how it escalated so fast, but I ended up slapping him(I didn’t even realise what I did but I would say it was like super light face touching because I would never want to hit him). This happened cause he kept on screming on me that he wants to end things , that I am a horrible partner and was calling me namas. He responded by pushing me because I wouldn’t let him go and I fell petty bad on the ground.
The aftermath:
- The silence: He left the next morning and went back to his city (3 hours away). He hasn't messaged me since, except to confirm he is coming back this Friday to talk.
- Social media: He deleted all the "highlights" of us on his Instagram on the spot , which feels like he’s already moving on or trying to forget I exist.
I am spiraling. I am terrified that he will never forgive me for the slap. I’m also scared that he’s realized his life is "stress-free" without me this week and that he’ll end it the moment he walks through the door on Friday. I feel immense guilt for my part in it, but I’m also hurt, physically and emotionally, by his reaction.
I personally want to tell him on Friday that i intended to get therapy and quit drinking cause I want to save this relationship because it is never bad unless we drink.I already texted him that i am sorry and I take full accountability for my actions.
- How do I stay calm for the next 44 hours while I wait for him to arrive?
- Do you think we can make this work and how?
- What are the important things that need to covered during conversion?
- Is there any way out of hits?
I love him and I want to marry this man, but I don't know if we've crossed a line we can't come back from.