u/ArtisticBlackberry96

I (26F) have been talking to this guy (31M) for about a month now, though we met around two months ago during workout sessions. We hit it off almost instantly. Since then, we’ve been texting regularly, and whenever he’s in town (he travels a lot for work), we spend time together.

Our first date honestly felt straight out of a movie. We met for dinner, which was supposed to last maybe an hour, but we ended up talking all night till 6 AM and then even went for a run together after that. Since then, we’ve been meeting consistently. We’ve stayed over together, spent nights at hotels, he comes over to my place, we go on dinner dates, he comes and sees me post work and yes, we’ve gotten intimate.

Now here’s where things get complicated.

He comes from a very orthodox family and because he’s 31, there’s already pressure on him to get married. Apparently his family had already started looking at matches before we met. He told me he wanted to inform his parents that he’s talking to someone seriously so they would pause looking for other girls, because he didn’t feel right entertaining arranged marriage prospects while talking to me.

For context, I’m an actor/model. I’m not hugely famous, but my work is public and searchable. I have a public Instagram and Facebook, and if you Google me, a lot of my work shows up. I’ve also done a few intimate scenes in upcoming films, which I was very upfront about from the beginning. He admitted he didn’t know if he’d be fully comfortable with that long term, but he said he’d try to process it. Honestly, I regretted doing those scenes myself and realized later they’re not really something I’m personally comfortable with either.

Anyway, he told his mother about me, and she asked him to discuss it with his father. The moment his father heard “actor,” it was apparently an immediate no. There are also caste differences involved, even though we’re from the same religion, same language background, etc.

Things got worse because his family apparently stalked my Instagram and started judging me based on pictures/videos from shoots, vacations, dancing at events, modeling photos, etc. They apparently sent things to him asking, “Is this the kind of girl you want to bring home?” which honestly hurt a lot.

The thing is, I do think he’s trying to stand up for me. He’s been distant from his family lately and not speaking to them much. But at the same time, I can feel him pulling away emotionally too, and I don’t know if it’s pressure, confusion, guilt, or him slowly realizing this may become too difficult.

What makes this messier is that I also told my parents about him because I genuinely saw potential here. Yesterday I told my mom that his family wasn’t okay with me because of my profession and social media presence, and she got really hurt by it. She felt like they were insulting both me and my upbringing by implying I’m somehow not “marriage material.”

I know it’s only been a month, which is probably way too soon for all this family involvement, but emotions escalated quickly and naturally between us. I genuinely care about him a lot already, and I can honestly see myself building a future with someone like him.

At the same time, I don’t know if I’m walking into something where I’ll constantly have to prove my worth to his family because of my profession and personality.

So I guess I just want outside perspectives:
\- Am I ignoring red flags because I like him?
\- Is this something couples can realistically overcome in Indian families?
\- And most importantly, if he truly wanted this, would he be pulling away right now or is that a normal reaction under this kind of pressure?

TL;DR: Been dating a 31M for a month, things got serious quickly, and he told his orthodox family about me to stop arranged marriage talks. I’m an actor/model with a public profile, and his family judged me heavily after seeing my Instagram and work. He defended me at first, but now I feel him pulling away, and I’m unsure whether this relationship can realistically survive the family pressure.