Who has successfully charged a re-entry fee?
How much would you charge as a re-entry fee after this lol?
Ladies, I need the Shera Seven perspective on a re-entry fee because a man I blocked a month ago just resurfaced.
I told him I needed to go to Dallas for a private dental treatment with a specialist that I had already paid for. Long story short this is for health not beauty so it means a lot to me. A man I had been seeing long-distance paid for my hotel for the first week. He is wealthy, early 30s, and lives internationally, so we are in different countries.
The original plan was that he was going to meet me there toward the end of that week and we would continue the trip together.
Two days before he was supposed to arrive, he called and told me he suddenly had to fly to Asia for business and couldn’t come until the end of the month. We speak every day.
I was exhausted from treatment and basically said okay, we’ll discuss it later. Also my phone was bugging out and I told him, let's just text because you can't hear me.
The problem now though was that his cancellation completely changed my accommodation situation.
I asked him to extend my hotel. And this is the part that makes me cringeeeeeee typing it: I asked more than once. Probably 4-5 times over the course of about a day and a half because he was barely responding.
Asking twice already feels dangerously close to begging to me, so you can imagine how irritated I was with myself but also how I desperate I was in that moment. I never want to be in that position again.
He was several hours ahead of me in the UK, so the communication was terrible. Checkout was approaching and I had no idea whether he was handling the extension. Btw, I had the money but it would have cost me more, then it would have cost him.
Now it's checkout day! The hotel actually tried to help me. Because I had already been there for a while, they let me extend one night at a heavily reduced temporary rate and said that if he contacted them/send authorization, they could put it on his card afterward.
Still nothing from him.
Eventually, after midnight, he finally responded saying the booking link I had sent him wasn't working because it had expired.
Yeah smart guy. Because it was now a few minutes past 12AM and therefore, the next day.
I sent him another link for the remaining nights not even 5 minutes later. It was around $1,200 USD.
Then he essentially disappeared again.
At that point I stopped waiting. Btw, we had just facetimed like 2 nights prior and he was wearing an AP which costs as much as a house just FYI.
I paid for 2nd night myself. Because of unusually high hotel demand in the area due to World Cup in Dallas, those two extra nights ended up costing me around $1,600.
The next morning I decided I was done.
I was originally supposed to fly home several days later, but I bought a same-day flight home for about $700 because I wasn't going to keep paying for the hotel waiting for this man to decide whether he felt like answering me.
Then there was roughly $150 to get to the airport, another ~$120 getting home after I landed. Not to mention the money for food I spend while at the hotel for those 2 extra days, the resort fees that were mandatory.
So his last-minute cancellation/disappearing act caused me roughly $3000 in unexpected expenses.
And before anyone says “why didn't you have the money?” I'm not a bum. I keep a certain amount in checking and budget my spending. I wasn't expecting to suddenly eat over $3,000 in hotel/flight expenses because the person who was supposed to meet me changed the plan at the last minute. Thank GOD I'm not one of those girls who gets stranded in Miami after getting flewed out and I can do this, and I'm still thriving.
The night before I left when I realized I wasn't going to pay these OUTRAGEOUS hotel fees any longer, I finally sent him one sentence translated into his language:
“Your word means nothing. You’re blocked.”
And I blocked him! :)
A few days later, he called me from another number. I ignored it.
That was a month ago.
Ironically, early this morning I was awake and he crossed my mind and I said let me delete his contact, but I was working on my laptop and my phone was dead. So I said ugh, let me charge my phone and forgot.
I take a nap. And guess what? Today he called me around an hour ago.
For context, before all this, this man was talking about spending the summer together. South of France, Ibiza with his friends and brothers, soccer games, possibly going to the final in New York, asking me where I wanted to stay in Spain, this that, etc. I literally told him I wasn't particularly interested in running around Europe and would rather use the summer to get something important done for myself, ie. get treatment I had been needing, and he was completely on board.
So Dallas happened.
So now my question:
If he wants back into my life in any capacity, what would you consider an appropriate re-entry fee?
To be clear, I’m not sitting here wanting him back. I want him to materially make right what happened before I even consider entertaining a conversation.
He lives in a different country. I'm not interested in a dinner, flowers, an apology, or listening to a speech about why he didn't answer me. And after humiliating myself asking repeatedly for that hotel extension, I'm definitely not coming back into this dynamic for fucking free.
My actual unexpected expenses were around $3000.
Would you ladies make the re-entry fee the actual amount? $5k? More? I did pay for the treatment and the flight there myself (remember it was pre-booked trip and then I had to buy an earlier flight home bc of his antics).
Nobody and I mean NOBODY fucks with my well-being. My nervous system was on TEN those last three days which was not good for healing and the fact that he put me in that position I wanted to wring my hands around his neck.
I would love to know HOW you would communicate this without turning it into a long argument or sending him an itemized invoice?
Because at this point, if he wants access to me again, I feel like he needs to demonstrate it materially before I even entertainnnnn a conversation. Hence, don't fucking call me.