No “old money” man is going to marry you
I’ve been around these societies, and they know who’s who. The moment you leave the room, they’re asking, “Who is she? What does she do? What family does she belong to?” They’re already sizing you up.
A lot of these people can’t simply be themselves because they have to maintain their standing within their society. And when it comes to dating, the “old money” men can spoil you because they want your energy, beauty, attention or company etc. But they’re going to want something in return. Especially if they know you come from a much lower-class background, they may feel entitled, as though they’re doing you a favour.
So if you’re a woman from a very low economic class, don’t assume these men are going to marry you just because they took you out to dinner. They can use their social class as leverage because they assume you’re more desperate, which is true, a lot of you are desperate.
Even old-money guys in their late 20s, 30s or 40s might want to sleep with you and act like any other man (tell you what you want to hear to get what he wants from you 🐱) but that doesn’t mean they’re going to marry you.
You have to be realistic.
If you’re going to deal with them, take whatever connections, opportunities or financial benefits you can get, but don’t stick around believing these men are eventually going to marry you. When they decide to get married, it is likely to be someone from a similar socioeconomic and social background, even if she’s less attractive than you.
I’m from the UK, where people treat social class almost like heritage. Someone can come from a working-class family, become a six-figure earner after being the first person in their family to graduate from university, but they’re still be regarded as working class because of where they come from.
Whereas someone like Kate Middleton, who comes from an upper-class background, could lose her wealth and end up on government assistance, and she would still be regarded as an upper-class woman because of her family background and ancestry.
Another thing about old-money men is that a lot of women, particularly Black women, don’t realise how easily they can be targeted.
Some older wealthy white men may specifically pursue Black women because they assume there’s a higher chance that a Black woman comes from a lower socioeconomic background. Online, you see a lot of Black women trying to emulate the old-money aesthetic, and they can see through it.
Especially when you’re actually in their circles, they can do these little tests. And it’s not just Black women. It’s anyone new entering their space.
They’ll use certain slang. They’ll mention particular holiday destinations, grocery stores, wines or other things associated with their class to see whether you understand the references, these references will not be found on TikTok or Instagram. They’ll do these little things to work out whether you actually belong.
And as someone who has dated men from these backgrounds but has no interest in marrying them, another thing I’ve noticed is that being asset-rich doesn’t necessarily mean being cash-rich.
A lot of generational wealth is tied up in property, investments, trusts and other assets. Especially several generations down, some people haven’t had to work particularly hard because their ancestors built the wealth they’re living off.
I dated one man for a year who had been living off his inheritance since around 2019, and by the time I knew him, he had used about 90% of it.
This is what can happen. People can burn through inherited wealth and eventually rely on government assistance. In the UK, that’s Universal Credit. But even when someone is receiving government assistance, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve suddenly lost their place in those social circles.
They can still be invited to balls, galas, private dinners and other exclusive events because they still belong to those circles. Their family’s name, connections and social standing don’t necessarily disappear just because they’re receiving government assistance.
They can still be surrounded by people from the same social class, attend the same private events and maintain those relationships. And if they need employment, those connections can also make it easier for them to find opportunities.
But that’s the point: don’t romanticise the lifestyle.
And you find that some of the much older men in these circles can target younger women of lower socioeconomic backgrounds as playthings, have them fighting over him for his ego and threaten to take things away from her, because she is more likely to be desperate for their money, attention or access.
That’s how young women can end up being hurt, exploited or taken advantage of.
And word spreads. Their reputation becomes known within those societies.
They will sniff you out.
It doesn’t matter how many YouTube videos you’ve watched about etiquette. They can often tell when someone doesn’t belong or when someone is trying too hard to enter their circles.
So don’t enter these spaces thinking, “I’m going to marry into old money.”
If you want to enter these spaces, make your own money. Build your own connections. Build your own assets.
Don’t sit there believing that a man is going to marry you simply because he’s sleeping with you, spending money on you or giving you access to his world.
Make your own money or take his money and elevate on your own.