There’s a guy I’ve been limerent over for 4 months now and I have no idea if my feelings are one sided but to kill it I feel like finding out if he feels the same or if he has a girlfriend. He is leaving our workplace soon. I feel like I have nothing to lose and it’ll probably help me get over it if he doesn’t feel the same or has a girlfriend?
I am now realising my LO (who’s a colleague) probably hates me. We had a great connection and other people independently commented on it. I believe he was scared off due to trauma he faced at work and now it’s just extremely awkward between us.
I really hoped it could have been more but now the dopamine withdrawal is extremely hard to deal with…
Why is toxicity so common? Super petty too. I’m so exhausted ! I currently work in education and it’s just non- stop..
What’s a mechanism that works against it ?
I have only discovered Shera within the past month and she’s taught me a lot!!
I left a guy I was interested on read finally. I was the main initiator and he was playing games with me I believe (hot and cold).
I finally gained the confidence to leave it and stop forcing something he doesn’t see in me.
He’s hot and cold lmao and we only gotten to know each other recently and we have so many things in common.
However, he responds extremely late to my messages, I’m the main initiator and I genuinely don’t think he’s interested. There was a work event we had and I was avoiding him and he decided to take it upon himself to disrupt this game I was playing with my other colleague (male) and took it upon himself to spend the entire event with me. To the point coworkers noticed the chemistry.
I think he did it for validation now and I’ve decided to protect myself by avoiding him for the next 6 weeks (I have another job opportunity I accepted a long time ago).
In person he’s great and so attentive. On text he’s dry and leaves me on read sometimes.
It has evoked great anxiety.
In person he’s great and so attentive. On text he’s dry and leaves me on read sometimes.
It has evoked great anxiety.
I’m a woman (29F).
I was new to the job when this happened to him so I didn’t know him however, I knew the girl who accused him and there was sufficient evidence showing she was obsessed with him and I took this to the relevant people who were dealing with this. (I basically supported him without knowing him). They ofc still took her side and he just went through it.
Me and him only started speaking around a month ago properly. He told me this changed him and he went through a very dark time etc.
I think he’s genuinely such a great person and I’m sure this has changed who he is. How can I support him best? I would love to get to know him more and let him know that there are good people out there.
All of them (3 of them) were limerence based! Explains why I’ve ended them all when reality made itself known.
My longest relationship was 2 years and 10 months and tbh I checked out a year into it and the rest of it was pure agony! I was doing everything to avoid him or spend as little time with him as possible. He checks on me till this day and I get irritated seeing his name 😫. I even found myself having a wandering eye.
I’m now seeking professional help now as i want a healthy relationship with marriage and kids in the cards.
Has anyone realised this about themselves ?
I’m lucky that mine is the early stages of limerence.
I’m finding this particularly difficult as it’s the first time I’ve not had my feelings reciprocated (I didn’t confess my feelings but I feel like he does know I like him somewhat).
I just know we wouldn’t be compatible and I’d zone out eventually just like my other relationships! However, I still find myself consumed by thoughts almost everyday over the past 1.5 months. I’m currently on a month break and don’t see him until last August :( I feel like i can use this time to get over it!
What do you guys think? Should I stop initiating ??
There’s a coworker I’ve recently started talking to over the past 1–1.5 months. We’ve had about three fairly deep conversations in person. At a recent work event, he came over to me while I was playing a game with another male colleague the colleague left, and he and I ended up spending the whole time together, even with other colleagues around. It felt like we were in our own bubble, having our own conversations in the middle of the group. We got food together, waited for each other, sat together, and got ice cream he asked me to come with him for that. Later, he said he’d travel home with me if there wasn’t space for me in the car another colleague had driven.
We talked about personal things, and I genuinely felt a connection. But over text, he’s completely dry I’m always the one initiating, and I’ve given up on that front. We now have a month off work before we see each other again, and I’ve just been left feeling confused.
If it’s relevant: he’s been through a rough time at work over false accusations. I’m not sure if his dryness is connected to that. I stood by him during it, and there was evidence showing he’d done nothing wrong though we didn’t know each other properly yet at the time (I’ve only been at this job six months). He even called me an angel that came out of nowhere :) but honestly I won’t be texting or initiating again.
I leave this job around late October.
I’m looking for support rather than reassurance about whether this person likes me.
I developed feelings for a colleague after we spent a lot of time talking, shared personal conversations, and seemed to naturally gravitate towards each other. The confusing part is that he’s very warm in person but inconsistent over text, and he hasn’t always followed through on things he’s said he’d do (such as giving me books that he brought up)
Over the last week I’ve realised something deeper. My self-worth has become tied to whether he replies to me. If he responds, I feel okay. If he doesn’t, I start feeling like I’m not valuable.
I grew up without consistent emotional support, and I think this situation has activated a much older wound. Logically I know one person’s behaviour doesn’t determine my worth, but emotionally it feels incredibly real.
I’ve also realised that reliability and consistency are really important values to me, and objectively his communication style probably isn’t something that would make me feel secure in a relationship anyway.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop giving one person’s attention so much power over your self-esteem? What actually helped you recover from limerence when you knew the issue was deeper than the person themselves?
The swelling is crazy. I’ve had to take time off work :(
I’ve recently realised I’m in the early stages of limerence for a colleague. We work together but didn’t speak for five months despite seeing each other around (he even said he doesn’t know why we didn’t speak earlier). Then we finally got talking properly and within about two weeks of real conversation I felt an intense pull towards him.
Our conversations went really deep really quickly. He’d been through something traumatic at work and felt completely alone in it. He opened up and told me everything and I was one of the few people who was supportive of him. He was really grateful for that. I also shared some of my own struggles, though nothing compared to what he’d been through. We talked about personal things, our lives outside of work, and also discovered we’re from the same area. At one point he even mentioned that we might run into each other over the summer.
He’s a warm, open person but we’re fundamentally incompatible. Different religion, different cultural backgrounds, neither of which are small things for me. I already know it can’t go anywhere.
Yesterday ended up being my last day as I’ve decided to take some extra time off due to issues at work. I only told him and two other colleagues that I wouldn’t be coming back for the rest of term. I said bye to him and he mentioned the books again. He’d offered to lend me some weeks ago and brought it up himself unprompted. Since we won’t be on our work system over summer I asked if I could take his number so I could reach out about them. He said of course very enthusiastically and told me to drop him a message anytime.
I then messaged him the same day to share my number and we had a brief light conversation. Nothing significant. But I’ve been analysing every detail since. The way he said of course, the fact that he remembered the books, all of it.
I can see exactly what I’m doing. I’m someone who feels deeply and I’ve been here before. The self awareness doesn’t switch the feeling off. It just means I’m watching myself do it in real time.
I’m going away for a few weeks which I know will help. I just wanted to share with people who understand this experience.
Does catching it early actually help? And does anyone else find that the self awareness makes it more exhausting rather than easier?
So I started a new job in January as a Learning Support Assistant at an educational institute. There’s a tutor there who tutors 6 of my students I provide additional learning support for. I’m in his classes 2/5 days, sit next to his students while he teaches, pass him in corridors daily. He directly comes over talking to the student i’m supporting and never says hello, which is super awkward.
For nearly 6 months he never once said hi, made eye contact, or acknowledged my existence. And I’m someone who genuinely says hi to everyone caretakers, admin, every single member of staff. He was the only exception.
The weird part he’s known as charming and charismatic. Popular with students, chatty with other staff members. Just specifically never acknowledged me despite us sharing the same students and being in his space often.
It felt active rather than passive. He would talk to students right next to me, make brief eye contact with me in passing and still say nothing. Even once in a lift together complete silence.
It recently took a student safety issue for me to finally message him professionally. We resolved it and then ended up having a really long personal conversation shared backgrounds, difficult work experiences, where we grew up. He even admitted he knew I sat in his classes. He said “don’t be a stranger” at the end. It’s incredibly odd.
Can anyone explain this behaviour?
So I started a new job in January as a Learning Support Assistant at an educational institute. There’s a tutor there who tutors 6 of my students I provide additional learning support for. I’m in his classes 2/5 days, sit next to his students while he teaches, pass him in corridors daily. He directly comes over talking to the student i’m supporting and never says hello, which is super awkward.
For nearly 6 months he never once said hi, made eye contact, or acknowledged my existence. And I’m someone who genuinely says hi to everyone caretakers, admin, every single member of staff. He was the only exception.
The weird part he’s known as charming and charismatic. Popular with students, chatty with other staff members. Just specifically never acknowledged me despite us sharing the same students and being in his space often.
It felt active rather than passive. He would talk to students right next to me, make brief eye contact with me in passing and still say nothing. Even once in a lift together complete silence.
It recently took a student safety issue for me to finally message him professionally. We resolved it and then ended up having a really long personal conversation shared backgrounds, difficult work experiences, where we grew up. He even admitted he knew I sat in his classes. He said “don’t be a stranger” at the end. It’s incredibly odd.
Can anyone explain this behaviour?
I started as a Learning Support Assistant in January at a college with an additional learning support department and honestly it has been nonstop drama since day one both with staff and with students (all 19+).
I've been working as an LSA since December 2024 and both settings have had really difficult atmospheres. I'm starting to wonder if this is just the nature of the role or if I've been genuinely unlucky with environments.
I'm seriously considering leaving because of how draining it's been, but I don't want to throw in the towel if this is just something you learn to navigate over time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you handle toxicity from students, colleagues or management in ALS/SEND settings specifically? Any advice welcome.
I’m taking some time away from talking to loved ones. I also feel like I have a low tolerance towards people who have absolutely no common sense ! Or it could be people have generally been getting under my skin.. I don’t know.