I'm at the point in my transition where my body has changed a lot, but I can still expect more changes . One change that was very shocking to me was a change and how people treated me. I'm legitimately smaller than I used to be. But with all of these changes it's been very difficult for me to feel confident in my body. I do sometimes feel less confident than other times.
I'm making this post because I feel like there's no right or wrong way to love yourself. I want to share some of the things that I've learned and maybe hopefully spark a conversation on self-love for black Trans women like myself.
As a person, I'm multifaceted, and so at least for myself in order for me to feel at my most confident .I need to feed and take care of my body my soul and my mind and my heart. Taking care of my body is super important because that is a vehicle for me to assert myself as very feminine. that's how I feel so that's how I like to look. it allows me to center myself. Doing makeup doing my hair making sure that my skin looks nice is not just aesthetic it's also meditative for me it helps me center myself and it adds rhythm to my day.
I'm always trying to learn and read new things because I'm very curious about the world. This has been a little bit of a newer pursuit, for me part of my transition has been what I've interpreted as a spiritual calling. I feel like there is a greater power and that greater power put me here on this Earth to be exactly where I am right now. I do things to center my spirit and my soul in the here And now ,and the world around me. And my heart is sometimes very fragile and so in order to protect and take care of my heart I have to make sure that I surround myself with people who are loving and affirming of me regardless of how emotional I might be or what I might be doing I do not have time for people who are weird and toxic, personally.
Recently my biggest push has been to change my own self-concept in the past I feel like I had a negative self-concept but recently my big thing has been celebrating myself ,bragging, and boasting about the things I have done. I feel like a lot of people think that I haven't done anything for myself .I remember I had a conversation with this dude and he got mad at me because I had boundaries, so he told me to go to college. I don't think that man went to college. I've been to college and so I told him and he shut up. ultimately he didn't care whether or not I had gone to college , but I wasn't going to allow him to have the last word on my worth.
That being said I've stopped debating people. I've realized that the biggest sign of a person who values themselves is where that person spends their time. So I've tried to spend my time doing things and being around people who benefit me. And if that means I see and am seen by less people than so be it.
Everyday is something new. everyday is another challenge .but every day is a day for me to try to show myself how much I mean to myself through my actions.