I feel he's trauma dumping and I'm losing interest
Description: pasta with ricotta, lemon, pepper and Parmigiano.
So, me and this guy got closer again after not talking for a while. At first it was amazing, he was so confident, sexy and interesting. I always considered him to be a clever person, despite not talking for a while. I felt I could confide in him, and I was glad he felt he could open up with me as well.
Now, it's been a year since we got closer again, and I feel the connection we had is quickly vanishing and things are going increasingly worse: I feel he's constantly trauma dumping (today he told me, out of the blue, that his mom thinks they should off themselves together), to the point he triggers me constantly (I had to repeatedly say not to talk about weight related issues because my body dysmorphia goes haywire). He completely lacks a sense of self and explicitly said he forms his opinion of himself based on what others think, so I basically became an unwilling mirror for him. We don't even have sex anymore because he's always insecure (and no matter the amount of reassurance, he will tell me he feels better then come back the next day with the same issue), but at the same time he's increasingly condescending and infantilizing me, insisting that I'm "sweet", "cute" and so on, as if I'm a baby and not a 36 year old woman.
I repeatedly advised him to go to therapy, as he clearly needs a type of support that I cannot provide, he would say "I know I need help" and then keeps going on like this.
While he gets more needy I keep losing interest, to the point that I'm wondering if I'm feeling anything at all for him anymore. I feel like I'm getting meaner and more distant by the day, my main partner (we're poly) keeps saying that I'm wasting my time and this person is clearly not making me happy, but instead making me worse. I'm starting to see what she means, but at the same time I don't know how to put distance between me and this guy without destroying him. I don't wish him harm, but I do think he needs a lot of help that I can't provide.
I just wish I could have the funny, witty and sexy guy that he was at the beginning, but maybe that was all a lie. I'm so frustrated and sad.