u/ArzFearless

17M here. i’m in so much love with a girl. it just not a normal crush. i dropped mstrb*tion because of her. but when i tried to text her, she didn’t even wanted to know me. i started to think it’s because of my appearance, my style etc. i’m currently working on it (i lost 22lbs in 1,5 months, did a lil bit of styling ) so, if i continue that way, can i try it again after some time? please i’m in so much love i wrote like 7 songs about these things (her, her rejecting me, myself etc) also sorry for my not very good english

this was my first writing experience. need some advices.

all my fault.

heh. how pathetic am i. how helpless am i. why i even thought that she can love me? how can i dare think she wants to meet with me? she was beautiful. gorgeous. stunning. her eyes, her smile, her taste in music, her personality.. and look at me . i’m nothing more than a junk next to her. i loved her with all of my heart. without hesitation. without a single doubt. but i was not enough. she is probably forgot about me right now. but i will not forget her. i will love her until my corpse rots. i don’t know, she was… just like me except ten times more beautiful. when i looked at her, i think i saw a part, a piece of mine in her. like, she was made for me, and i was made for her. she could fix me. and i could fix her. we could have gone to the concerts together. i could play guitar for her. we could have chit-chats about everything. but she didn’t wanted it. she didn’t even wanted to meet me. when she texted “i don’t wanna meet with you.”, my heart collapsed. at that moment, i wanted to rip my eyes off, shred my body, tear myself to pieces. then i realized. i was the problem. who would want to meet with a guy like me anyways? who would like to be my friend when there is like 8 billion people around, all being better than me? how pathetic, how meager,how deficient am i. i want to believe there is still a chance although knowing there is not. maybe the time wasn’t appropriate for her? maybe she was having her period at the time when i was writing messages for her? i will post the songs she love. i know she will not gonna text me. but i will do it anyways. because i fucking love her so much. so, so much. i know she isn’t gonna see this, but… i’ll try to explain my love against her right now. there are likely 30 trillion cells inside a human body, working in perfection. if the word “love” was engraved on each nanometer of these cells, it wouldn’t equal one one billionth of the love i feel for her. that is the point i’ve come. but, i guess, loving someone isn’t enough all the time. but as i said, i won’t give up. until i can’t love her no more, i will try continuously.