Ex-FP, Dealing With Aftermath of Discard and Smear Campaign
Hello everyone. It has been a week since I was quickly split on, devalued, and discarded by my ex-friend of a year with BPD. I was hoovered back in the first time she quietly discarded me because I had no idea what BPD was. This is the second time I have been discarded and it was in a public place. I cried so much the day after it happened and have been trying my best to heal and move on, knowing what I know now about BPD. My ex-friend and I share a mutual hobby (where we first met, in fact) and have to interact, thankfully not much. We were in the same space earlier this week and she ignored me completely and kept tabs on me. If I was talking to a person, she would pull them aside and ask them what I was talking about. I have kept things positive with mutual friends and don’t speak ill of my ex-friend in front of people. I also only speak about neutral topics.
I highly suspect that she is twisting the narrative to paint me to be the absolute worst person in the world to them. When we were friends, she would constantly talk poorly about other people in the mutual hobby. Since our split, she has reached out to these people that she used to despise and is love bombing them. When she would talk poorly about them, I wouldn’t contribute and just nodded. Witnessing her behavior of doing a 180 is infuriating. I just hope that my reputation and interactions with others in this mutual hobby will cause them to stay out of the drama because I just want to enjoy life and the hobby again.
I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and stress from the lack of emotional closure. I have been talking to two close friends about the events and to my therapist, but it’s still not easy because I feel like I’m just trauma dumping with no solution. I woke up today just feeling empty and missing my ex-friend so much. I was tempted to forget the traumatic discard and beg her to take me back, but I did not cave. I told myself that this is just withdrawals from the trauma bond and returning to her will cause her behaviors to be worse.
The positive side of this is that I have been thinking a lot about Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender and the amount of patience and love he showed Zuko made me think that I need to show that patience and love for myself. If any of you want to share any of your favorite quotes from Uncle Iroh (or anything that you heard that helped or is helping you), then please feel free to post them here. I would love to see them and happy cry at them.
An Uncle Iroh quote that stuck with me today: “In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.”
I wish you all the absolute best as you go through recovery and healing 🫶