Why does it still hurt/why does it matter? First Post, please be patient
I've been following this thread recently and found some of the advice provided very insightful! Would greatly appreciate if some feedback or guidance?
I'm gay M50's and years back was devastated by a cheating partner at the height of the AIDS crisis. Fortunately was not infected....all of my suffering was emotional.
I was young and naive. I moved in with him as he had recently purchased a home and was remodeling it. We were happy working on the house together and living together. I too had been saving to buy my own home and sunk my life savings into this house for new kitchen and bathroom....since we were going to be together forever even though my name wasn't on the Deed etc...my first mistake with trust.
Fast forward 3 years, relatively happy and a trip I wasn't able to get time off work presented itself. I was fine/content at home it was only 4 days. Well an acquaintance of us both was at Conference in sunny destination too. When it happened. I wasn't initially aware and he returned home and was intimate with me. Discovery occurred a couple weeks later with suspicious phone call(s) from acquaintance.
I was told to move out/move on theirs was true love. I was blindsided and devastated! First stop was to the Dr to be tested for STD's. I had no savings to secure my own apartment security deposit etc...and reluctantly moved in with my sister. I had to fight and threaten to get my money back from home improvements just to survive.
With patience and support from family and good friends as well as a therapist I moved on. A few years later I met another man....wonderful and trustworthy! We're happy and together for a number of years before we were able to legally marry. We own a lovely home together even purchased a beach condo together that we enjoy on weekends and I have dogs! Throughout our life together we've had many dogs. (Cheater didn't like dogs, of there were signals, ugh).
So what's my problem, right?
Unfortunately last year my Mom passed away. So I was in my hometown off and on for several months while she was hospitalized and eventually to clean out her home and sell it. I'm at a Home Depot purchasing supplies when I see ex-cheater and acquaintance?!?! I was shocked they're still together especially because of how relationship started? Their appearance was awful, they've aged terribly likely drugs or poor health initially didn't recognize them but knew my ex's voice. Stunned, I watched them check out and leave.
I'm not on Facebook, social media doesn't interest me but been researching online. They bought a different home jointly years back and appears they are married as well? Ex was extremely closeted when we were together? Different times I suppose?
Why does this knowledge hurt me? Why should I / do I care? I'm really struggling with this after years of no contact - no real interest in what ex was doing! Of course, I've shared discovery with my husband he listened patiently and compassionately.
My life is so much better than I ever could have imagined, my marriage is a happy one. We're Blessed to be in good health overall. We've both done well Professionally and financially and are looking forward to retirement.
Why do I care? Thoughts, suggestions? I'm described by many as forward thinking. I don't understand?
Thanks for Listening!!