u/AshamedHabit2962

I wonder what hes doing, if he sleeps well at night. I wonder if he feels bad about me, if he thinks about me, how i was always just a mistake. How could he lead me on all this time just for me to be a mistake. I knew i wasn’t permanent, but if it was to end i wanted closure, a mutual agreement. It was my relationship too. He probably has already forgotten me but i dont think ill ever forget him. He felt perfect for me, im not sure ill ever find someone like him again. I just want to talk to him, ask him if hes also struggling. If he meant to make me feel like this. I know what he will say. “I groomed you, in the long run me leaving is for the best” but what happened to all those calls we were going to have. All those things we were yet to talk about. Why promise things if you were just going to leave. How long was he planning to do this. How long was i just a joke prancing around him. He couldve talked to me. He knows i have exams coming up, he knows im stressed. I dont think he realises that he didnt have much time left with me anyways. If he knew that would he have stayed? I just want to text him one more time. I just wanted it to be mutual. He doesnt miss me i know it. He has other women to distract him. I have nothing. He was always okay, always entertaining me. How long was he lying? What else has he lied about? I dont think ill stop thinking about him for a while. I hate it. He left in a way that im constantly checking, seeing if hes unblocked me. Always haunting me. Thats how it always was, i would check my phone constantly waiting for his text and hes left me in the exact same manner. I havent processed it and i dont think i will process it for a while now. I want him to come back. Put me out of my misery please and just come back.

He blocked me. I dont know what to do im panicking so badly. Im so attached. I cant do this. I really cant. I didnt want him to feel guilty. I thought he loved me i really really did he was going to visit me he was going to do everything with me i had sorted it out i was so excited i was living for it and he blocked me. I was just in a mood. Being a brat. Whatever. But he blocked me. 1 year of this. 1 year. I cant do it i cant do anything. He said he wouldnt leave me. What the fuck do i do. Im so lost. Who even am i. I miss him so much. I need him. He wasnt affecting me. I just want him back i want how he made me feel i just want him i want him i want him. I want to say to myself he is bluffing and hell unblock me but hes not like that. He means it. He didnt want me. I dont think he ever did. I want him back. I want it all back. I want a redo. He said he loved me. I want him back. I cant do it i cant do it.

I know im getting groomed, its been going on a year but im just so obsessed with the attention. No man has ever made me feel this way or paid me any attention. And i cant stop.
I sometimes get self aware and start hating myself for it and yet i never blame him.
Im just so scared to be alone that the thought of not being in contact with him sends me panicking. Hes become part of my routine. But it has to end, it is wrong and possibly illegal. I will need to move on and I dont know how to be normal after this.
Something in my brain says because its online it doesnt harm anyone and if im okay with it its fine. But in the future I will regret it and i know it but im willingly causing myself trauma so much so that can i even be called a victim if i had so many chances to end this and yet didnt. Can this be called self destruction at this point? can i even hold anyone to blame if was asking for it?

When i was 15-16 I was bored, ive always been subjected to pornography and age gap relationships since the age of 8 and I thought it didnt affect me. I started chatting with this 31 year old guy on this chat website. I stated i was 18. It was a mostly sexual relationship with sexting however no photos sent until one day i came clean with my ahe and he was completely fine with it, he said “is it bad that its kinda hot”.

Time went on and a little over a year has now passed. And we talk and play games and he is seemingly caring about me in a way no one has been before.I know this is grooming and he has stated himself that he is grooming me and when he isnt texting me all i feel is guilt and dread and how this isnt normal to feel but i still crave his attention and the way it makes me feel. He is fairly nice and doesnt push for nudes, however i have sent some. At some point i feel as if i am just self destructing myself and causing my own trauma to an extent that maybe it is my fault as i can end it at any time but i cant bring myself to it. I feel as if it isnt his fault entirely, i did lie for months about my age so i am not completely innocent however surely he is to blame for not ending it when i revealed i was 16 at the time

I live in the UK and he lives in the US and hes been discussing visiting me for a while now and he plans to come in the summer. When hes talking to me i am completely entranced and excited for this but as soon as i snap out of it i am horrified and scared.

I am not conventionally attractive and he is one of the only guys in my life so far to deem me good enough looking to speak to. And without him i genuinely feel so lonely.

I dont know how to end it without running back to him. Is there anyone who has dealt with this feeling of desperation and overcome it that has any advice?