I need help urgently, I feel scared and hopeless.
I am 18F, I haven’t ever used Reddit before.
I’ve never been one to reach out for help, but lately life has became completely unmanageable for me and I have been considering ending it. The only thing the stops me from that, is knowing how broken my family would be. I really wish I felt like I had more to live for. I don’t really sleep anymore, I am beyond exhausted in every way. I am constantly in a state of severe anxiety, all the time. I always feel like I am dying, and terrified of that because my family would be destroyed if that happened.. but living like this is slowly killing me. I didn’t graduate high school, I do not have my GED, I don’t have a license, I don’t have a car, I don’t have a job. I want to get on the right path so bad, but I don’t know where to start because I literally can never sleep during the night and if I sleep during the day it’s only at most a few hours and I don’t understand why this has been happening to me. Two months ago I left my abusive boyfriend who I was living with in Georgia, I had a job working with him, a very good sleep schedule, and freedom to some extent. I had hope for myself. One night he almost ended up ending my life by strangulation, so I had the cops come. I regret it every day of my life because since I was 11 years old I’ve known abuse. For once in my life living with him I had confidence in myself and a future. I’m not sure if leaving him is the reason I can never sleep now or if it’s even correlated, but I know the regret I feel for leaving him is equally as debilitating as my anxiety and insomnia. I just feel so alone, and so broken. I cannot go on like this.
I had an opportunity to start an iop program, but they only do intakes at 8 am and knowing I have something to do the next day will
Keep me up the entire night easily. I will panic so bad that I’m sobbing and cannot breathe, every time I don’t sleep I panic… being without sleep is so terrifying to me and always has been :( please please help me. I don’t want to be a lost cause. I pray to God there is hope for me.