Im thinking of firing MOH 3 months before my wedding
I am getting married in 3 months and I’m seriously considering removing my former maid of honor (she is now a bridesmaid) from the wedding party. We’ve been close friends for around 10 years and I genuinely love her like a sister, which is why this whole situation has been so hard for me emotionally.
The issues started around 5 months ago when we tried to go dress shopping for her bridesmaid dress. We had to reschedule three times because she kept having work, family, or personal issues come up. I know life happens and I really tried to be understanding because she does tend to have a lot going on. When we finally went shopping, though, she showed up drunk. I had offered to pay for her dress because I know money can be stressful, but she declined and bought it herself. The dress was only around $80, but ever since then she’s brought up multiple times that she paid for her own dress, and I’ve started to feel guilty even though she originally insisted on buying it herself.
A few months later we had a get together with the wedding party, and she ended up getting drunk and sleeping with the best man. Since then, she’s refused to communicate with him at all. Unfortunately, they were also the two people who were supposed to help plan my fiancé and I’s combined bachelor/bachelorette party, so now the best man has basically been left to handle everything himself. I also feel like alcohol may be becoming a bigger issue than I originally realized, because when we discussed everyone bringing drinks for the bach trip, her response was basically that she’d just drink whatever was there and that she didn’t want to bring anything.
Most recently, she came over so we could spend one-on-one time going over wedding schedules, tasks, and details because she had a lot of questions and I wanted to make things easier for her. I explained the few setup tasks I needed help with the day of the wedding, but she immediately said she didn’t want to do any of them. I offered different options, trying to find something she’d be comfortable with, but she declined every suggestion.
During that same conversation, she also said she didn’t want to drive to the Airbnb we rented for the wedding weekend and asked if she could ride with my fiancé and me. I said yes and explained the check-in schedule, but then she said those dates might not work because she could possibly have class. I tried suggesting other options, including driving up the next day before the wedding, but that “might” not work either. Her final suggestion was coming after our rehearsal dinner.
I already demoted her from maid of honor to bridesmaid because I was feeling overwhelmed, but now I’m wondering if I’d be wrong for removing her from the wedding party completely. Part of me feels guilty because I know she may be struggling personally or emotionally in ways I don’t fully understand, and I don’t think she’s intentionally trying to hurt me. But another part of me feels unsupported and stressed during a time where I really need reliability from the people closest to me.
EDIT: yes, I have spoken to her a couple of times throughout the months to see whats up and what she needs, she expresses her stressors and says she wants to be part of it and to help. I always try to make sure she feels heard and have told her if she ever needs to take a step back to just let me know!