I really fucked up and I don't know how to fix this.
I really fucked up recently. My wife [34f] and I [39] have been together for nearly 9.5 years, married for 2.5 of them. I lived her so much. She's my whole world. She's my best friend. We tell each other that we're each other's favorite person nearly every day. We recently moved states and are in the process of buying our first house together and I couldn't be happier.
Two days ago I started talking with a younger woman. I sent a few flirty messages which, at the time I thought were rather innocent, definitely crossed the line of trust. I was up front with the other woman and let her know that I was married and wasn't interested, but I definitely didn't play up how much I love my wife and would never want to hurt her.
All this while my wife are shopping for home goods and my wife was suffering from a migraine. I took care of her until she fell asleep and checked in with her when she woke up and kept caring for her, but when she was asleep I kept messaging this other woman.
Today, she saw one of the message notifications and asked about the other woman. I gave her my phone and she read through every single incriminating text. She is deeply hurt and feels ultimately betrayed (understandably). She is so angry right now (I dont blame her).
I just can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and why I would do this knowing it would hurt her and utterly break her trust were she to find out. I seriously wasn't looking for a fling. I've never done anything like this before. She feels right now that she can never trust me again, and I am well aware that I have fundamentally broken our marriage, likely irreparably. I don't know what to do here. I'm just letting her have space for now. I really don't want to lose her, but I don't know if we can come back from this. She may leave me and I wouldn't blame her. I feel utterly devastated that I let her down so much.