u/Asleep-Leave-1833

I realised that I have been in a sexually coercive relationship for a very long time now. I know I should break up, because I don’t see myself ever seeing him or trusting him in a sexual way ever again. It just feels wrong to break up with someone who you love so much and who loves you. There’s no other problems in our relationship, so it sort of feels like my reason to leave is not valid. I still doubt myself on if it has been actually coercive or if it’s my fault for having a low libido. It also feels wrong because the coercion has very rarely lead into sex, and when it has I enjoyed it. It has mostly been only groping without consent, which I feel is normal for relationships. He is starting to love bomb me and it’s working. Tomorrow would be my chance to break up but I’m so scared to do so. I love him so much and it’s so hard to even think about breaking up. It’s like I’m dreaming of a life without him, but I don’t want to hurt him by leaving him

Firstly I want to say that I am sorry if my English is bad in any way. Also I hope this is allowed in this subreddit. I’m honestly desperate for support figuring all of this out.

I, (F21) have been in a relationship for 3,5 years with my boyfriend (M21). I think our relationship is really good regarding communication and compatibility. We simply have a problem with me having little to no sexual desire lately. I just want to ask if it is concidered sexual coercion, if the desired outcome hasn’t necessarily been to have sex. For example, one day my boyfriend has been groping me a lot. I then voice my concerns of how it makes me feel disgusted, like I am only there for his sexual desire. He then reassurances me that he loves me for me and not for my body, yet he keeps groping me and calling it an accident. ”I just can’t resist your perfect body” ”I’m sorry, it happens automatically before I can think”. Usually it happens when I’m distracted, and I think since he’s already touching me and I didn’t even notice it, what harm does it make. So I let him continue without saying how I feel.

If I really talk to him about it, he does take me seriously. But then if/when he does not grope me or say constant sexual things about me, it’s like he isn’t present at all. He will react minimally to what I’m saying, not really wanting to hang out with me. When I ask why that is and if he is mad at me, he tells me that he is just avoiding making me feel uncomfortable.

This has honestly been going on for I dont even know how long. I have lost all my sexual desire towards him, to the point where I don’t even want to kiss him. That makes me feel so guilty. Then again, I have been reading about sexual coercion and it feels like that is what’s happening to me, but I guess in a mild way. So maybe I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I don’t know.

I’m sorry if this is incomprehensible, I am feeling very emotional over this.