What would influence the rumination / social anxiety I get in public settings?
Since childhood, many people always pointed out my awkwardness and how I often appear in high energy spaces, but don't dance/mingle/talk. In college, I found myself enjoying being in the company of many people, even leading some card games or activities, but I often float around to different groups when things get cold.
As an adult now, I work a corporate job in aerospace where I try to make conversations with others, but that's often met with little to no enthusiasm, and I've since become a hermit, where I'd prefer to have my lunches alone, spend a little time speaking to coworkers, and just focusing on my work or getting through the day.
What really upsets me is going out to events or the gym, where it's a bunch of people mostly minding their own business, but I'm more often than not spiraling in my head, wondering if anyone notices my awkwardness or nervousness. I don't mind speaking in public and sometimes enjoy it for a moment, but the mental effort to calm myself down and be present in the moment has been really overbearing lately.
Im curious to know what you guys think could be influencing these behaviors.