u/Atubofyoghurt

Open to all criticism. Unsure about my comps as they're massive. Also the query is a bit long.

Dear Agent,

The Pizza Wizards always deliver, not a problem for lackluster employee Winona who only wants a paycheck to afford her sister’s care facility, and to keep her secret. Nobody knows about her anosmia or ageusia, a complete lack of smell and taste, and if she wants to keep her job as a chef, and her life as a wizard, she must keep her lie afloat.

When Winona’s disability leads her to accidentally poison a feast of fauns, she panics. Fortunately, the mistake isn’t fatal. If she can keep her boss from finding out about the accident, she can keep her job.

Bargaining with the prince of Bathanae, Winona agrees to compete in their games, stringing along her coworker, Evan, who she has convinced is his fault. As the competition grows more intense, so does Winona’s inability to hide her conditions from Evan. Realizing, she may have bitten off more crust than she can handle, she questions, is it worth keeping her lie alive, if risking death?

 

Delivering pizza, Drayton expected to go to parties but not search parties. A farmer tasks him and his colleague to find a missing kid (his son, not a goat). However, Drayton joined the Pizza Wizards because his cousin disappeared there a week prior. When, the same day, Drayton finds the missing kid, it turns out to be not a human nor a goat, but a hybrid cheap centaur knock off, causing Drayton to question everything. Drayton figured “wizards” was a marketing gimmick, instead, he’s thrown into a world of magic. But locating his cousin isn’t as easy as the kid. As Drayton’s search intensifies, he questions, is he the right man for the job or is the person who kidnapped his cousin, going to catch him too?

 

THE PIZZA WIZARDS, clocks in at 104,000 words contemporary fantasy, and would appeal to readers of Dungeon Crawler Carl, by Matt Dinniman, and work based comedies like Joe Abercrombie's The Devils.

Author Bio

Really not sure about comp titles. DCC and The Devils are both massive successes. Was considering also comping, Godkiller by Hannah Kaner, or Tom Holts, Pizza To Go, or Minimum Wage which is a YT short.

Got feedback from an editor on Reedsy and wondering about their removal of a lot of my had- contractions and while some involved dialogue, lots didn't.

Quick disclaimer, I had a lot of contractions, more than a pregnant person going through an elongated labour and grammar has never been my strong suit.

Honestly though, the editor seemed to remove a lot of contractions, citing that readers would get confused. I'm sure he was right some of the time. I never used had/would contractions in the same sentence, but I decided to take his word for it, removing the vast majority.

Then I read Katabasis, where rf kuang uses had and would contractions in the same sentence, like in this one: "She'd been afraid they might tether up to nothing, that when she finished her spell, they'd be pinned..." I think its clear which contraction is the had and which is the would, but curious if others would find it confusing or laborsome to read. There were other instances where Kuang would switch between the contraction and regular form, in identical sentences.

I realise RF kuang knows her shit and when you know the rules you can break them. Wondering if someone can explain best practice.