Long term situationship 👎
Its been 3 years of seeing eachother....first I made excuses for him because of his travel due to his academic career, travel, humanitarian work...he would always comment on how much chemistry and connection we have together...i felt it too...he always made sure to come see me and take me out when he would come back home to visit his family...
Now its been some time since he moved back permanently to our city, moved out of his parents place, set up his office, moved into his own apartment ...I cant make any more excuses for him because everything is stable now...
A few years ago...After a year or so seeing eachother casually I crashed out and told him I couldn't take it anymore because I miss him when hes away and i cant go on like this, the more i see him the more i love him even more and I have family dreams and want to get married eventually one day etc etc.. he immediately sent me a video note explaining some things to me and showing me hes working late at the campus. I apologized and he said its okay, that im just attached...
He came back for a visit a month after and took me out for dinner, I told him about this dream mini vacation i was thinking of planning to see the northern lights, and he mentioned he should look for some work opportunities for a week or so upnorth so we can go together...
a few days later in our city-the lights would be visible..I had seen it in Instagram and went to share the post with him since we had just discussed it a few days before...only to see that he had posted on his story he was at a lookout point about 15 mins from my house watching the lights already and he didnt bother to tell me about it? I was so hurt to see that...my stomach dropped and I was so so disappointed that he didnt consider to tell me the lights would be visible after knowing it was one of my dreams to see them... I kept it in but after a few days send him a text about it to which he remind me me we aren't in a relationship and he was with his family watching the lights at the time...I apologized again for being emotional. He was understanding...
He left again for work and came back...he took me out for dinner again, this time made some comment about how he thinks i would make a good housewife and also he had made some comments about how we should open a cocktail bar together one day...of course this is like music to my ears...then....unfortunately some weeks after that I had a really bad migraine that led to some paralysis and gait problems( thats a whole story itself) ....I told him about it and also told him that I could never let him see me like this and i left and went abroad to recover with family for a few months....after some time in the village I came back and did some more rehab to the point where I am more functional...about 6 months ...I sent him a text that im back and we went out for a coffee date.....it was so nice to see eachother again though...then again on my birthday we had another date night he planned out and spent the night together in airbnb ...had breakfast together ...
a few weeks after we had another date night out....it was very romantic, we have a great connection when we are together but our communication has been getting worse and worse in between seeing eachother ...he keeps leaving me on read and delivered, then will apologize for not being in touch ....even though his last seen is turned on and I can see he is always coming online :( just choosing not to reply...
On Feb 13 I was feeling cheeky and sent him a happy situationship day text which he found funny....he told me he has reflections about it which he will tell me about when he returns ( he was on a humanitarian trip abroad) I told him I was looking forward to it hearing it and that I am looking forward to a month of reflection myself with ramadan coming up and that we should circle back after...he hearted it ....
Since then I became anxious and messaged him a few times but he either left me on read or delivered ...now he has apologized for not being in touch , I reacted in an understanding way but I really just feel like an idiot....I have a book here thats i bought for him as a housewarming gift for his new apartment....previously had borrowed a book from me and mentioned he wanted to borrow it again soon so I tracked down a copy of the book from 1879 and ordered it for him ....its been sitting here for months on the shelf just laughing at me everytime I look at it :( I feel like such a fool and don't know what to do now.....i always got the sense that there is a crazy attraction between us ( he mentions it often too) but the timing is not ideal with his career stuff and also my health/rehabilitation stuff that ive been working on these years and improving albeit with some setbacks ....I feel like now that hes finally settled and my health is finally better....Its harder to make excuses for this consistent inconsistentcy ...I was more okay with it before as I wasn't in the place to be in a full relationship before but now my health is better i find myself wanting more
Sincerely,
A clown
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